Don't miss what's happening in Kingwood
People on Kingwood.com are the first to know.
Go to top of page
Close
 
Close
Back
* CONTEST TODAY: 24 Hours Only - Win a $25 Gift Card to Panera Bread!  Ends in 22 hrs Read more »

2017 DARWIN AWARDS

2017 DARWIN AWARDS

« Back
This discussion has been locked.
Message Menu
by: Ray Active Indicator LED Icon 17 OP 
~ 6 years ago   Jul 24, '17 2:37pm  
 
 
 
 
 
 
THE NEW DARWIN
AWARDS ARE OUT!!
 
 
 
 
 

The
Darwin Awards are finally out. These annual honors are given to the persons who
did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most
extraordinarily stupid way. (Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed
by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip
a free soda out.)  This year's winner was a real rocket scientist.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Read
on...And remember that each and every one of these is TRUE.
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
And the nominees were:
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Semi-finalist #1
 
 
 
 
 

A
young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he
had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk… Not
surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace
in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing
both him and his sister.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Semi-finalist #2
 
 
 
 
 

Three
Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another
plane approached. It a appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the
other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed.  They
were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Semi-finalist #3
 
 
 
 
 

A
22-year-old Reston , VA , man was found dead after he tried to
use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax
County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these
straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the
trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael,
a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car
was found nearby.
 
 
 
 
 

'The
length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between
the trestle and the ground,' Carmichael said
Police say the apparent cause of death was 'Major trauma.'
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Semi-finalist #4
 
 
 
 
 

A
man in Alabama
died from rattlesnake bites It seems that he and a friend were playing a game
of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future
Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Semi-finalist #5
 
 
 
 
 

Employees
in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas
noticed the smell of a gas leak.  Sensibly, management evacuated the
building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.
After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were
dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty
navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked.
Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his
pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter!  Upon
operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded,
sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the
technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The
technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as
''bright'' by his peers.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Now, the winner of this year's Darwin Award (awarded, as always,
posthumously):
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

The
Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smouldering metal embedded in the
side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage
resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car.
 
 
 
 
 

The
type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally
pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist....had somehow gotten
hold of a JATO bottle (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket)
that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking
off from short airfields.   He had driven his Chevy Impala out into
the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO
unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
 
 
 
 
 
The
facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala
hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash
site This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.
 
 
 
 
 

The
JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5
seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and
continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.
 
 
 
 
 

The
driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved
for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become
irrelevant for the remainder of the event.
 
 
 
 
 

However,
the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20
seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing
the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface,then becoming
airborne for an additional
 
 
 
 
 

1.4
miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened
crater 3 feet deep in the rock
 
 
 
 
 

Most
of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone,
teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards
were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering
wheel.
 
 
 
 
 

Epilogue:
It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately
420 mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
You
couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

AND PEOPLE JUST LIKE THIS ARE ALL AROUND US, BREEDING and
VOTING!!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
4951
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
What are your thoughts? Log in or sign up to comment
Replies:
Message Menu
FoFa Active Indicator LED Icon 17
~ 6 years ago   Jul 24, '17 3:18pm  
The JATO story is fake, and was from many years ago
Myth busters did not one, but two different episodes on that one.
 
4951
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
Message Menu
2013Breakout Active Indicator LED Icon
~ 6 years ago   Jul 24, '17 4:11pm  
They are all probably liberals 4951
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
Message Menu
ForeCPA90 Active Indicator LED Icon 9
~ 6 years ago   Jul 24, '17 6:49pm  
They are all probably liberals

@2013Breakout:
 
The Brazilians or the Canadians?
 

4951
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
Message Menu
fcabanski Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 6 years ago   Jul 24, '17 7:07pm  
#2 should win.  The others are individual people.  But 2 is so many people - three Brazilian! 4951
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
Message Menu
ProblemAgain Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 6 years ago   Jul 24, '17 7:35pm  
The Brazilians

@ForeCPA90:
 
 
how many in a brazilian anyway? we could likely lose a couple brazilian and raise the IQ 4951
* Reactions disabled on political threads.
This discussion has been locked.
« Back to Main Page
Views: 2
# Replies: 5

Camp Olympia




Aire Serv of Kingwood Logo Katy.com Logo Celebrity Hair Styles Logo Houston Hyperbaric Oxygen Center Logo Decker's Carpet Cleaning Logo Heartstrings In-Home Euthanasia Services Logo Radiant Facials Skin & Body Spa Logo Zero Gravity Jump Zone Logo TNT Tree Service Logo Sharky's Waterfront Grill Logo Warren's Southern Gardens Logo Pet Ranch Inc. Logo Town Center Park Association Logo HTX Soccer Logo Modern Heart and Vascular Institute  Logo Forest Tree Service Inc Logo Prime Lawn Patio & Landscape Logo Madd Air-Heating and Cooling  Logo
Sponsor an ad Sponsor an Ad »