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Surviving Texas Winters: Snow Panic, Redneck Sledding, and Unpredictable Weather
Surviving Texas Winters: Snow Panic, Redneck Sledding, and Unpredictable Weather
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Public Service Announcement 🚨🚨🚨
If you are new to Texas, we are about to experience a "Texas Winter". This is 3 or 4 days of cold & maybe some ice and snow. Frank Billingsley will freak out & threaten a snow/sleet/ice apocalypse. It may snow...it may not. If Frank says 2 inches, it could be 10, or it could be none. It doesn't matter how much snow it is. We'll all freak out because we don't see snow very often. The threat of snow (or ice) is your prompt to head to the grocery store and buy milk, eggs, and bread. Anything. It doesn't matter if you need these items. It's just what we do. Everyone in town will be there. You'll also need to make a mad dash for faucet covers. Finding them and getting out of the store will be like an episode of the hunger games. You're in the redneck district now. Don't look for a sled. You won't find one. In the rare chance we get enough ice or snow to sled, grab some cardboard or a trash can lid and go find the nearest hill. Yes, we know it's not a hill. You live in the flatland but just go with it. You'll be alarmed by the fact that you're "sledding" towards a bar ditch, fence, or maybe into a farm to market road. Just go with it. You'll be fine. We don't have equipment to handle the winter and weather. The roads will be a mess, and even though the state has been telling you for a week they're ready. They're not. Just stay home if you can, and if you can't just come to terms with the fact that nobody here knows how to drive in snow and ice. Whatever you do, DO NOT talk about snow tires. If you happen to slide off the road or get stuck, turn your flashers on, take a deep breath, and wait. Two guys in a four-wheel drive truck will be along in no time to offer assistance. Don't try to help them. They live for this **** and will do what they can to get you back on the road. If either one of them screams "Hey y'all, watch this" just back up and get your phone out to start recording as you'll probably have a viral video. Also, of note, when they offer you beer and deer sticks, don't be rude. Take them and smile. No matter what you do, don't talk about how they did it back home in any of these scenarios. Nobody cares. Noooooobody. You live in Texas now. When we act like we're going to die and start to complain about the 3 days of winter, just shush. We're serious, and we don't care how much you love it. We don't. You'll be back in shorts and flip-flops in a week, and it'll be nice until right around Easter. Texas "second winter" will hit right around Easter... or the week before... or the week after. This will hit right around the time you plant all your flowers and your garden. We know you're not from around here when we see you've planted flowers before Easter and before the "second winter" has hit. This is why all the people at the nursery don't sound like us when you're shopping for plants. We know better. During the second winter, it'll go from 70 to 25 and you'll experience all four seasons in one day. This too shall pass, get used to it and when second winter is over you can enjoy the 3-4 weeks of "spring" before summer gets here and it'll be melt your face off hot until sometime around Halloween. All Facts 💯
If you are new to Texas, we are about to experience a "Texas Winter". This is 3 or 4 days of cold & maybe some ice and snow.
Mini marshmallows will allay all of your fears...floating in hot chocolate that May or may not, have a shot of Bailey's in it.
Me too, my Gramma and I read Dear Abby and Erma Bombeck together, each afternoon , before dinner!
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Public Service Announcement 🚨🚨🚨 If you are new to Texas, we are about to experience a "Texas Winter". This is 3 or 4 days of cold & maybe some ice and snow. Frank Billingsley will freak out & threaten a snow/sleet/ice apocalypse. It may snow...it may not. If Frank says 2 inches, it could be 10, or it could be none. It doesn't matter how much snow it is. We'll all freak out because we don't see snow very often. The threat of snow (or ice) is your prompt to head to the grocery store and buy milk, eggs, and bread. Anything. It doesn't matter if you need these items. It's just what we do. Everyone in town will be there. You'll also need to make a mad dash for faucet covers. Finding them and getting out of the store will be like an episode of the hunger games. You're in the redneck district now. Don't look for a sled. You won't find one. In the rare chance we get enough ice or snow to sled, grab some cardboard or a trash can lid and go find the nearest hill. Yes, we know it's not a hill. You live in the flatland but just go with it. You'll be alarmed by the fact that you're "sledding" towards a bar ditch, fence, or maybe into a farm to market road. Just go with it. You'll be fine. We don't have equipment to handle the winter and weather. The roads will be a mess, and even though the state has been telling you for a week they're ready. They're not. Just stay home if you can, and if you can't just come to terms with the fact that nobody here knows how to drive in snow and ice. Whatever you do, DO NOT talk about snow tires. If you happen to slide off the road or get stuck, turn your flashers on, take a deep breath, and wait. Two guys in a four-wheel drive truck will be along in no time to offer assistance. Don't try to help them. They live for this **** and will do what they can to get you back on the road. If either one of them screams "Hey y'all, watch this" just back up and get your phone out to start recording as you'll probably have a viral video. Also, of note, when they offer you beer and deer sticks, don't be rude. Take them and smile. No matter what you do, don't talk about how they did it back home in any of these scenarios. Nobody cares. Noooooobody. You live in Texas now. When we act like we're going to die and start to complain about the 3 days of winter, just shush. We're serious, and we don't care how much you love it. We don't. You'll be back in shorts and flip-flops in a week, and it'll be nice until right around Easter. Texas "second winter" will hit right around Easter... or the week before... or the week after. This will hit right around the time you plant all your flowers and your garden. We know you're not from around here when we see you've planted flowers before Easter and before the "second winter" has hit. This is why all the people at the nursery don't sound like us when you're shopping for plants. We know better. During the second winter, it'll go from 70 to 25 and you'll experience all four seasons in one day. This too shall pass, get used to it and when second winter is over you can enjoy the 3-4 weeks of "spring" before summer gets here and it'll be melt your face off hot until sometime around Halloween. All Facts 💯
Public Service Announcement 🚨🚨🚨
If you are new to Texas, we are about to experience a "Texas Winter". This is 3 or 4 days of cold & maybe some ice and snow. Frank Billingsley will freak out & threaten a snow/sleet/ice apocalypse. It may snow...it may not. If Frank says 2 inches, it could be 10, or it could be none. It doesn't matter how much snow it is. We'll all freak out because we don't see snow very often. The threat of snow (or ice) is your prompt to head to the grocery store and buy milk, eggs, and bread. Anything. It doesn't matter if you need these items. It's just what we do. Everyone in town will be there. You'll also need to make a mad dash for faucet covers. Finding them and getting out of the store will be like an episode of the hunger games. You're in the redneck district now. Don't look for a sled. You won't find one. In the rare chance we get enough ice or snow to sled, grab some cardboard or a trash can lid and go find the nearest hill. Yes, we know it's not a hill. You live in the flatland but just go with it. You'll be alarmed by the fact that you're "sledding" towards a bar ditch, fence, or maybe into a farm to market road. Just go with it. You'll be fine. We don't have equipment to handle the winter and weather. The roads will be a mess, and even though the state has been telling you for a week they're ready. They're not. Just stay home if you can, and if you can't just come to terms with the fact that nobody here knows how to drive in snow and ice. Whatever you do, DO NOT talk about snow tires. If you happen to slide off the road or get stuck, turn your flashers on, take a deep breath, and wait. Two guys in a four-wheel drive truck will be along in no time to offer assistance. Don't try to help them. They live for this **** and will do what they can to get you back on the road. If either one of them screams "Hey y'all, watch this" just back up and get your phone out to start recording as you'll probably have a viral video. Also, of note, when they offer you beer and deer sticks, don't be rude. Take them and smile. No matter what you do, don't talk about how they did it back home in any of these scenarios. Nobody cares. Noooooobody. You live in Texas now. When we act like we're going to die and start to complain about the 3 days of winter, just shush. We're serious, and we don't care how much you love it. We don't. You'll be back in shorts and flip-flops in a week, and it'll be nice until right around Easter. Texas "second winter" will hit right around Easter... or the week before... or the week after. This will hit right around the time you plant all your flowers and your garden. We know you're not from around here when we see you've planted flowers before Easter and before the "second winter" has hit. This is why all the people at the nursery don't sound like us when you're shopping for plants. We know better. During the second winter, it'll go from 70 to 25 and you'll experience all four seasons in one day. This too shall pass, get used to it and when second winter is over you can enjoy the 3-4 weeks of "spring" before summer gets here and it'll be melt your face off hot until sometime around Halloween. All Facts 💯
If you are new to Texas, we are about to experience a "Texas Winter". This is 3 or 4 days of cold & maybe some ice and snow.
So when I hear everyone talking about the freeze, and that all of my pipes are going to burst, and I'm not gonna have power for a week, there's no need for me to freak out?
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Lol it was a madhouse this afternoon. Everyone was out running errands. I need to go to H‑E‑B tomorrow and I hope it's not too crazy.
StormChaser : Did you just write all that? If so, forget becoming a newscaster! Go into writing and become the next great American Humorist, like Erma Bombeck! (You probably never heard of her! )
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