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Dear Dogs & Cats....

Dear Dogs & Cats....

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by: WJo Active Indicator LED Icon 13 OP 
~ 11 years ago   Jul 2, '12 10:12am  
The dishes with the paw prints are yours & contain your food. The other dishes are mine & contain my food.
Please note , placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not stake claim for it becoming  your food & dish , nor do I find it aesthetically pleasing in the least .
 
The stairs were not designed by NASCAR & is not a race track . Beating me to the bottom is not the object . Tripping me does not help because I fall faster than you can run .
 
I can not buy anything larger than a king size bed , Iam very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs & cats can actually curl up into a ball when they sleep . It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible . I also know that sticking tails straight out & having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
 
For the last time , there is not a secret exit from the bathroom . If by some miracle I beat you there & manage to close the door shut . it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge & try to pull the door open . I must exit thru the same door I entered . Also , I have been using the bathroom for years -  canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
 
The proper order is to kiss me , then go smell the other dog or cats butt , I can not stress this enough !To pacify you , my dear pets , I have posted this message on our front door :
 
RULES FOR NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT & LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT MY PETS :
1. They live here, you don't.
2. if you don't want pet hair on your clothes , stay off the furniture. ( that's why it's called "fur"niture).
3.I like my pets better than most people.
4.To you it is an animal . To  me , he/she is an adopted son or daughter who is short, walks on all 4's & does not speak clearly. Dogs & cats are far better than kids....they eat less, don't ask for money , are easier to train , usually come when called , never ask to drive the car , don't hang out with unsavory  friends, don't smoke or drink , don't wear your clothes & don't need a gazillion dollars for college. And you can have them "fixed" at an early age ....so please leave your complaints outside. Thank you .
 
I received this from a friend of mine over the week-end & thought I would share it with all of you ....enjoy !
P.S. Iam not asking for money , clothes, food , etc.... 4951
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FoFa Active Indicator LED Icon 17
~ 11 years ago   Jul 2, '12 10:16am  
Yea, so?
 
4951
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WJo Active Indicator LED Icon 13 OP 
~ 11 years ago   Jul 2, '12 10:25am  
@ fofa...that  explains everything so well (LOL) thanks for the picture (LMAO) 4951
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cat person Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 11 years ago   Jul 2, '12 10:45am  
Haha to funny 4951
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Retired_Engineer Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 11 years ago   Jul 2, '12 11:11am  
@WJo:   sounds like my house.   I'm sure there was a request for money somewhere in your note!!! 4951
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FoFa Active Indicator LED Icon 17
~ 11 years ago   Jul 2, '12 11:15am  
Bree the big white one has taken to "nesting" now and "digs" the cover and sheets into a piled up mess and sleeps on them.She just started this new activity. 4951
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DCowboys Active Indicator LED Icon 2
~ 11 years ago   Jul 2, '12 11:21am  
I went out with a guy that would let his dog eat off his plate and lick his mouth. Gross! I gave his :***: the boot. 4951
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Retired_Engineer Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 11 years ago   Jul 2, '12 11:25am  
I went out with a guy that would let his dog eat off his plate and lick his mouth. Gross! I gave his :***: the boot.
 
@DCowboys:   I hope you gave him a nice good-bye kiss.
4951
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DCowboys Active Indicator LED Icon 2
~ 11 years ago   Jul 2, '12 11:26am  
I hope you gave him a nice good-bye kiss.
@Retired_Engineer: Emoticon Heck no! 4951
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taramay Active Indicator LED Icon 14
~ 11 years ago   Jul 2, '12 11:33am  
Bree the big white one has taken to "nesting" now and "digs" the cover and sheets into a piled up mess and sleeps on them.
She just started this new activity.
 
@FoFa:
Zora does that. But ONLY on the guest bed. She's so strange. She also hides things in the guest room. I've found paper towels, lots of shoes, bones, stolen food, and most recently...Kenny's coozie, in that room. She really thinks she's sneaky.
 
I actually had to buy a new set of sheets when Ken's parents were supposed to come stay with us because Zora had made the other ones all gross from nesting in there. But she's still my baby! And she still sleeps with us in bed...like another human.
  4951
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xjamiex Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 11 years ago   Jul 2, '12 11:57am  
Haha!!
This isn't all for us!? Seriously??
 
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Loading Image... 4951
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Puppeep Active Indicator LED Icon  New Member
~ 11 years ago   Jul 2, '12 10:09pm  
Me Too, Our pups and kittie sleep with us, thought of getting a twin size bed for the bottom of our king size, but that wouldnt work, they still need to be next to us, on a cold nite its better than a blanket!  I was once criticized for this but realized I didnt ask them to sleep with my pups!...Duh...its gross, Dont have kids and love my pups,beside I bath them regularly at Dog Gone Stylin! 4951
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N+T Active Indicator LED Icon 14
~ 11 years ago   Jul 2, '12 10:48pm  
 
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@xjamiex:
 
Don't see a husky and a cat sharing the sofa very often. Too cute. 4951
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FoFa Active Indicator LED Icon 17
~ 11 years ago   Jul 3, '12 8:48am  
A girls story about a pet dog.We’ve had a rather turbulent relationship over the years. Like any other adorable ankle biter I knew from an early age that there was a gaping hole in my life. A cavernous void that could only be filled with fur and tiny legs and an incessant bark. I needed a companion to journey with me through these my most formative years and by God I needed one now!     My siblings and I had asked for a dog for as far back as I can remember. I’m fairly certain it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that the exact moment after I exited the uterus I bellowed in my baby lingo: ‘Wrap me up Mother, I’m naked!’ followed swiftly by: ‘I WANT A PUPPY!’Every year we would write long winded and delightfully illustrated letters to Santa begging for a puppy, promising that we would love it and care for it like no other children had cared before. And every year my stocking would be filled with dolls and princess costumes and enough chocolate to induce a sugar coma and finally, a sombre reply from the fat man himself explaining that our backyard was not conducive to a baby canine. That it would be unfair on the poor pup. WHICH WAS BLATANTLY WRONG. THE PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE I HAVE INCURRED DURING MY PUPPY-LESS YEARS IS MUCH MORE UNFAIR.I consoled myself with replacement pets – beginning with the pet rock I so artfully assembled in preschool. Granted, it was beautiful. It had fluorescent pink feathered hair, unevenly placed eyeballs and a mouth drawn on with the frantic, crooked hand of a young lass who let the power of the permanent marker go straight to her head. I loved pet rock (not enough to name it, it seems) but in the back of my mind I knew it would not suffice. It was just a substitute, and over the years pet rock was neglected.We went through many other substitutes: ants, lizards, an imaginary dinosaur named ‘Albert’, Bruce – the carved stone dog that guarded our miniature hedge (Bruce’s nose was tragically chipped off during a wild game of hide and seek), those little yellow electronic dogs that walk for a bit then do a back flip (I recently saw one at Paddy’s Markets and a whole myriad of emotions came flooding back that still embarrass me to think about). Still, no living, breathing dog. Woe was me.When my youngest sister was eight years old she decided to once more write a letter to Mr. Clause outlining the reasons why she felt she was fit to look after a puppy. Now, there is a long running joke in my family (BACKED UP BY 17 YEARS WORTH OF SOLID EVIDENCE) that my parents favour my youngest sister over the rest of us. They will of course deny this to our faces yet what happened next lead me and my other siblings to seriously question otherwise.’Twas the morning of Christmas, and while the whole house sleptYoungest sister found a letter by the foot of her bed.The letter was from Santa! Legit to be sure!‘Go Down To The Laundry To See What’s In Store’.She scurried downstairs, another sister behind,And saw a vision of heaven, a puppy and a feline.In both their hysteria they’d truly believedSanta had delivered one of each breed!Youngest sister stood still, other sister took charge.‘You can hold the cat!’ Towards the Puppy she did barge.She cradled the white fur ball while youngest sister found outThe cat wasn’t real! It was stuffed in and out!But she’d been given a puppy! A real one at that.She snatched it away and gave it a pat.I was woken with a yelp and a pup leering over my head.Youngest sibling gave him to me.Then he **** in my bed.Yes, it is true. The first time puppy (henceforth known as ‘Max’) and I met he took it upon himself to urinate all over my sheets. Needless to say I was less than impressed. It took me a full 20 minutes to forgive the little tyke, but he won me over with his little nose and adorable waddle. Over the years our relationship has been tested yet I never truly appreciated the delight that is my dog until I moved out of home two months ago. I relocated into a beautiful location in the City that also happens to be a few meters from the dog-walking metropolis of Sydney. I see puppies everywhere. And they are SO CUTE. And my heartstrings are tugged in all kinds of cruel directions thinking about the new gaping hole in my life where Max once lay.I have been trying to wear my housemate down slowly, getting him to see the benefits of letting me have a puppy. I Google images of ‘cute dogs’ and shove them in his face, hoping one day he will crack. But nay, he claims: ‘you can’t even look after yourself. You could never look after a dog’. LIES!I guess the moral of this little tale is to appreciate the pets you have. Because one day you will be all strong and independent and move out of home and revel in your recklessness until you realise that deep, deep down you are still that four-year-old gal bawling her eyes out because Santa won’t bring you a puppy. Only this time Santa is your 21-year-old housemate and your sobbing isn’t as adorable as it used to be. 4951
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FoFa Active Indicator LED Icon 17
~ 11 years ago   Jul 3, '12 8:56am  
Dear Dog;Years ago, I read a pet-care book about ways to bond with your dog or cat. One of the tips—so ridiculous—was to write a letter to your pet, telling all the things you like about him (or her). I remember thinking, Are you kidding? Write a letter to my dog? But here I am, writing to you, so what do I know?Here’s what I know: That lump on your snout is almost certainly cancer. And unless it comes off soon, it’ll spread to your throat and lungs, and that’ll be that. That’s what the vet said 36 hours ago as she handed me an estimate for the cost of the operation. And when I saw the total, I made a face. My initial reaction, dear Dog, was not for you or your health. My initial reaction was: Are you kidding? I spent less on my first car.If that sounds heartless, you have to remember that I was raised by people who were not sentimental about pets. My mother wasn’t allowed to have them. My father, meanwhile, grew up dirt-poor on a hardscrabble farm where one of the tenets of life apparently was: Don’t get friendly with the animals; you never know when you might have to eat one.This may explain why they didn’t name any livestock, or even the pets. As a boy, Dad had two dogs and the closest things they had to names were That Dumb Dog and The Other One. And when That Dumb Dog had hip trouble and The Other One went deaf and blind at a young age, there was no going to the vet for surgery or lab tests. There was only a walk in the forest with Dad and a .22 pistol—a walk from which Dad always returned alone.Luckily for you, Dog, we have a different relationship. I brought you home because your old family abandoned you, left you in a fenced-in yard with no food, water, or shade in the middle of summer. When my kids heard about this, they came to me with big, dewy eyes and made eternal promises to feed and walk you and clean up after you. And then my little girl dropped the A-bomb, clasping my hand in hers and begging in a trembling voice, “Please, Daddy, please save that doggy.”By that point, you were already a guest of the local animal hospital, where you not only recovered from your neglect, but also charmed the staff with every bat of your big doggy eyes and your tendency to lick everyone and everything. To this day, when I bring you in for a checkup, someone yells “Guess who’s here!” and out they all come, oohing and ahhing with a drippy enthusiasm typically reserved for new puppies, not 50 pounds of dog stuffed into a 40-pound body. Suddenly, it’s the third reel of a Disney movie in there, and you’re the lovable mutt that traveled cross-country to foil the bumbling crooks and save the orphan child who fell down the well.So as I looked over the estimate, I tried to ignore the pleading eyes of the hospital staff. Instead, I thought of an incident that occurred not too long after you came to live with us.My little girl and I were taking you for a walk. You were ignoring us, intent on sniffing and cocking your leg on everything. We had walked into an unfamiliar neighborhood that day, so I didn’t know that we were nearing the home of The Jerk who lets his Mean Dog run free. And I didn’t see the Mean Dog until he was closing on my 3-year-old daughter.She was looking at ladybugs on the sidewalk and never saw this huge, slavering dog charging at her. And before I could complete one step towards her, I felt the leash rip free from my hand, and you were already there, standing rigid as a statue between my daughter and the Mean Dog. Gone was the fat, dopey mutt, charmer of the animal hospital staff. Your ears were flat against your head, your back bristled like a bear’s, barking in this sharp, no-screwing-around yap I’d never heard before.Then I came running up, the Mean Dog was outnumbered, and he ran to his backyard. You sniffed my daughter all over, gave her a sloppy kiss, then made an enormous, um, deposit, right there on the lawn.It could have gone so many ways. That dog could have bitten my little girl, chased her into the busy street, or scared her into some kind of anxiety disorder. Even a heartless miser could see how, in a single moment, you saved me far more (in therapy bills alone!) than it will cost to have a little lump taken off your snout. But it’s not about money, is it?In the years since you came to live with us, you have enriched my family’s life by an order too high to calculate, a fact that dawned on me after our encounter that day. Talk about a scene from a Disney movie! My daughter was giddy, her little arm around your big neck, telling me what a Good Doggy you were. And that was only the beginning.Although friendly to women and kids, you bark and carry on mercilessly when any man enters the house, taking care to give a pointed sniff at a foot, a jacket sleeve, or the seat of his pants. Your message is clear: “That’s what I’m going for, buddy. Step out of line and you’ll see.”And whenever I can’t sleep and stare out the window and worry about the future, you come over and lean slightly into me, like we’re sitting on a bus that just went into a curve, just enough contact to remind me you’re there. A little thing, but if it weren’t in my life, I would miss it terribly.So it was all of two seconds after looking at the vet’s estimate that I scheduled your surgery, which was this morning. The vet was apologetic about the cost of the operation. “It’s OK,” I told her. “Anyway, it’s no skin off my nose.”Then I looked down at you, thinking about your future, doing what I can to preserve it, which is my job. And there you were doing yours: surrounded by the adoring hospital staff, but still taking a moment to give me a smile and a wag of your tail.I hope you’re well, Dog. We took a walk in a dark forest today, and I returned alone. But I swear, I’ll be back to bring you home.Love, The Man 4951
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