I won't get my results til Wed. Holiday Monday. Just want to be honest with you. Love to you
I started this journey at 38 and now I'm 57. 18 years of struggling, raising my two beautiful girls that are now 24 and 30.
I am on Ibrance and my counts and body strength is just not coming back. My core family is gone. My soul mate died last January. I see my kids with careers and doing ok. I've been so tired lately. I can water a few plants and have to lay down. I don't cook anymore and haven't driven a car for a couple months. I have run through my hormonals and my onc will not give me a break because my liver is full and cancer is still spreading most recently to my other hip. I feel ibrance or the cancer is breaking me. I can't tell which.
After almost 20 years I'm recognizing a minds shift I no longer have that fight but have slowly lost that magnetic feeling of wanting to be drawn to this earth. That's strange because I have fought so long
My prayers have changed to bind my cancer to your will be done. I'm not depressed just ok with whatever the next move is. Enough is enough the lack of energy and get up and go is making it worse. I'm not afraid of dying I know this is not end of the road. I'M not as obsessed with scans etc. I feel relieved right now for now I just put myself in God's hands. I do cry a lot that my body is not responding again. I'm in God's hand I can no longer struggle. 4951