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A Nightmare of a Lifetime

A Nightmare of a Lifetime

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by: Zoey Active Indicator LED Icon 2 OP 
~ 8 years ago   Mar 6, '16 11:53am  
My beautiful young son was always so good about answering texts & I couldn't reach him so I drove to Austin to check on him. He didn't answer his doorbell so I opened his door & called his name & there was no answer. I walked in his bedroom & found his lifeless body. I went into shock & that's when the never ending horror of my lifetime began. I lost all my faith & any desire to be a part of this world.
 
Recently, I received the autopsy report. It was so shockingly stunning, I couldn't finish reading it. I picked up my phone & read some things online & came across this forum. Immediately, there were 3 bibles verses in a row. After reading about God's son rising from the dead, it made me angry. What about my son? All those " uplifting "
bible verses seemed so very empty & untrue. They
apply to others & not to me.
 
 
 

4951
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BooBear Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 8 years ago   Mar 6, '16 12:18pm  
Im so sorry. We are never supposed to bury our children. I cannot begin to imagine what you must feel.
 
For some people it helps them cope by giving them the answer that the trajedy had a higher purpose. For others, not so much and to hear "they are in a better place" is insulting. 4951
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sweetie Active Indicator LED Icon 11 Forum Moderator
~ 8 years ago   Mar 6, '16 12:22pm  
I so agree with boo bear. When someone says they know how you feel, they don't. I'm so sorry for the loss of your child. I can't imagine burying your child. Sometimes we question how someone can laugh or be happy when you are grieving. Maybe talking to a grief counselor would help. Again, so very sorry for your loss. 4951
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Zoey Active Indicator LED Icon 2 OP 
~ 8 years ago   Mar 6, '16 12:26pm  
Thank you so much for your very kind thoughts.
You're very perspective & right on, realizing how empty those verses can be for some people.
 
4951
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Safety44 Active Indicator LED Icon 5
~ 8 years ago   Mar 6, '16 12:28pm  
Having suffered through the loss of a daughter, my sympathy goes out to you.
 
My prayers are also being sent in your behalf for God to support and comfort you in these hard times.
 
I was never a real dedicated Christian myself, but over the years I have learned that God truly does love us all equally and shows absolutely no descrimination when sharing that love.
 
Learn to talk to him in the private of your soul. He will provide that path to comfort and recovery from this nightmare. Focus on the good things you had with your son, keep his memory alive in your heart.
 
God Bless 4951
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soxs mom Active Indicator LED Icon 3
~ 8 years ago   Mar 6, '16 12:28pm  
I know the grief.  It is very personal and so deep that words do not seem to be adequate.  Seek your solace where you can and let what peace you can find wash over you. It will come in waves and sometimes it may feel like you are drowning.  I can only say that the words that bring others peace may not apply to you at this point in your pain, so just accept that in most graceful way you can.  I think you are brave to reach out. I'm not yet able to speak of mine. 4951
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Zoey Active Indicator LED Icon 2 OP 
~ 8 years ago   Mar 6, '16 12:33pm  
Thank you so much! 4951
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BooBear Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 8 years ago   Mar 6, '16 12:35pm  
I dont believe for a minute that the people relying on faith in a higher being are trying to hurt you even though it feels as if they are mocking you and minimizing what is very real but no explanation to you. Everyone has their own way to deal with tragedy. I second grief counseling. There are phases of grief and each has their own obstacles. If you need help, seek it. I dont believe anyone wouldnt need help in this situation. 4951
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justanirishgirl Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 8 years ago   Mar 6, '16 12:49pm  
I've been through it, too, so I know how you feel. The only thing I can tell you is you will find a place for it in time. The unbearable pain will turn in to a pain you can compartmentalize. The serenity prayer helped me so much. i had it on my wall, from dealing with her drug abuse, and it got me through her death. If there's anything at all I can do, I'm here for you. 4951
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soxs mom Active Indicator LED Icon 3
~ 8 years ago   Mar 6, '16 1:04pm  
I am more spiritual than religious. I find a lot of comfort in nature. Sunsets, rainbows and heart shaped stones seem to cross my path at times when I need them most.  I have also found the words of poets and even lyrics of songs sometimes give me pause and seem to put my thoughts into words that I can't express.  I think we all have to seek out what speaks to us, to our own heart and spirit. I find comfort in the thought of Heaven, although I do not believe that us mere mortals have any grasp of what eternal life encompasses.   Biblical words have given me comfort. Not every single time, but like anything I suppose, I am drawn to the ones that I need and let the others pass over me. Like you, I also read a scripture posted on this forum the other day and it brought me some kind of respite at a time that I needed it greatly.  It felt like a personal message from a friend that I've never met and I appreciated it.  You never know what small thing may come at a time when needed by just one soul.  As long as someone is not purposefully trying to hurt me, I accept all words in the spirit they are intended and realize that no matter how inadequate, people are just trying to reach out in the best way they know how,  in the midst of unimaginable sorrow.  Our time here is very short and many of us are just struggling with our earthly burdens the best we can, many of which are unspoken. My heart goes out to you.  Perhaps just knowing that others are walking a similar path as you helps you in some very small way. 4951
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Zoey Active Indicator LED Icon 2 OP 
~ 8 years ago   Mar 6, '16 1:05pm  
I'm so very sorry. 4951
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MarT Active Indicator LED Icon 9
~ 8 years ago   Mar 6, '16 1:18pm  
When I was a teen I babysat this beautiful child that got cancer and died suddenly. As an adult my life crossed paths with her parents again after I lost my brother to suicide. The mom became a friend, she told me she would sit and watch the world go on outside her window thinking how can the world go on, don't they know my little girl is gone. I remember feeling just that way after my brother's death.
 
My heart felt thoughts are with all of you who have suffered such tragic losses. 4951
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DanStanton Active Indicator LED Icon 3
~ 8 years ago   Mar 6, '16 1:21pm  
My heartfelt sympathies. 4951
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Zoey Active Indicator LED Icon 2 OP 
~ 8 years ago   Mar 6, '16 1:23pm  
I was just dealing with my sweet daughter's cancer diagnosis, surgery & radiation and then losing my son was just too much.
 
I think that I've finally found a way to deal with it all.
 
My phone keeps freezing up while I'm typing & everything I write gets lost, so I can't write too much.
 
Thanks so much for all your ever so kind thoughts. 4951
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becky77351 Active Indicator LED Icon  New Member
~ 8 years ago   Mar 6, '16 1:30pm  
My son was killed ten years ago..I still cry..my husbands daughter was murdered three years ago..he still cries..our other children still cry. It will change you. I lost the spring in my step the moment I got the call. But I do know he is in Heaven.. That gives me great peace. If you need someone to talk too I'm here. The anger will pass. 4951
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Zoey Active Indicator LED Icon 2 OP 
~ 8 years ago   Mar 6, '16 1:40pm  
I'm so very sorry for all you've been through. Thank you so much for sharing, I appreciate it more than you know. 4951
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