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ROONEY ON SEX!
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a
I don't remember what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she
4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to
men - 'don't' and
'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best
thing on earth.
7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try
Weekly and Try
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a
good partner, you better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the
13. Question: What's an Australian kiss?
Answer: The same thing as a French
kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He
was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.
15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's
Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the
16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed',
many men still sleep with their wives!