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adoption.....so my granddaughter & her husband took

adoption.....so my granddaughter & her husband took

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by: WJo Active Indicator LED Icon 13 OP 
~ 10 years ago   Sep 13, '13 9:27am  
a baby boy into their home 3 months ago . He was 2 months old & only weighed 11 pounds . His mother (age 18) had been on drugs so the baby had several problems & needed surgery to correct them . He now weighs 18 pounds & doesn't even look like the same baby . He is on a feeding tube & oxygen  so he still needs a lot of care & more surgery . His mother has not seen him since he was 6 weeks old & told the agency she wanted no part of the baby because he was not perfect & when she was ready for another baby she would have one , but she did not want  J.So no one from J's family has asked to see him or even asked how he was doing ...then yesterday out of the blue J's grandfather wants to see J.We have no idea if it is to see how he is doing or if he is considering taking J & raising him . I know it is always best for the child if  the birth family takes the child to raise , but it will break my grand-daughters heart to give back . WE have all become attached to J & love him dearly . We are all on pins & needles today waiting to see what comes of this visit from his grandfather. Please say a prayer that all works out for the best for baby J . 4951
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Retired_Engineer Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 10 years ago   Sep 13, '13 9:32am  
@WJo:  If your granddaughter has not officially adopted J, then I suspect the birth mom will want to reclaim him after he is healthy.  Maybe (let's hope) J's grandfather sees the light and realizes that J is better off where he is. 4951
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WskyTngoFxtrt Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 10 years ago   Sep 13, '13 9:40am  
a baby boy into their home 3 months ago . He was 2 months old & only weighed 11 pounds . His mother (age 18) had been on drugs so the baby had several problems & needed surgery to correct them . He now weighs 18 pounds & doesn't even look like the same baby . He is on a feeding tube & oxygen  so he still needs a lot of care & more surgery . His mother has not seen him since he was 6 weeks old & told the agency she wanted no part of the baby because he was not perfect & when she was ready for another baby she would have one , but she did not want  J.So no one from J's family has asked to see him or even asked how he was doing ...then yesterday out of the blue J's grandfather wants to see J.We have no idea if it is to see how he is doing or if he is considering taking J & raising him . I know it is always best for the child if  the birth family takes the child to raise , but it will break my grand-daughters heart to give back . WE have all become attached to J & love him dearly . We are all on pins & needles today waiting to see what comes of this visit from his grandfather. Please say a prayer that all works out for the best for baby J .
 
@WJo: My wife & I are in a similar situation so I know how you all feel. Nothing that a very expensive lawyer and a lot of time won't fix (hopefully).
4951
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WJo Active Indicator LED Icon 13 OP 
~ 10 years ago   Sep 16, '13 8:18am  
the agency told my granddaughter that if they can get the mother to sign release forms they know the baby will be better off with them . They just found out they J is deaf in his left ear , but with surgery * an implant he would have 35 % hearing with his right ear . He is really having the crappy end of the stick all because his teenage mother did drugs while pregnant . Now because J is not perfect  & has some medical problems she just wants to "ditch" him . It makes me so angry that she was so stupid & now this beautiful baby boy is suffering because of her stupidity . I'm praying my granddaughter  gets to adopt J. 4951
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mm4731 Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 10 years ago   Sep 16, '13 8:28am  
[ Removed By Request. ] 4951
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WJo Active Indicator LED Icon 13 OP 
~ 10 years ago   Sep 16, '13 10:13pm  
@mm4731......thanks for asking ,,,I just spoke with my granddaughter this morning & she said the grandfather came for his visit & he told her right off that  he had heard "horror stories" over the years about kids in foster care & just wanted to "check-up" on J & he had no intentions of asking for custody since he was working 12 hour days & did not want the responsibility of a "sick baby" with so many medical problems , however he would like to visit & stay in J's life. My granddaughter was so relieved to hear that , she is more than willing to have him visit since he is showing an interest in J. He also told her that his daughter did not want J because of his medical problems & has the attitude that when she wants another baby she can have a "perfect one" .J is about 2 months behind on his motor skills so at 7 months he is just now trying to crawl & to put everything in his mouth that he can get into his little chubby hands. Everything is so much harder for J to accomplish  because of the feeding tube & his oxygen tube . But he is one little determined guy & with lots of love & attention we all know he will eventually catch up with babies his age . 4951
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RobinZander Active Indicator LED Icon 8
~ 10 years ago   Sep 16, '13 10:27pm  
[ Removed by Author ] 4951
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Retired_Engineer Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 10 years ago   Sep 16, '13 10:38pm  
@mm4731......thanks for asking ,,,I just spoke with my granddaughter this morning & she said the grandfather came for his visit & he told her right off that  he had heard "horror stories" over the years about kids in foster care & just wanted to "check-up" on J & he had no intentions of asking for custody since he was working 12 hour days & did not want the responsibility of a "sick baby" with so many medical problems , however he would like to visit & stay in J's life. My granddaughter was so relieved to hear that , she is more than willing to have him visit since he is showing an interest in J. He also told her that his daughter did not want J because of his medical problems & has the attitude that when she wants another baby she can have a "perfect one" .J is about 2 months behind on his motor skills so at 7 months he is just now trying to crawl & to put everything in his mouth that he can get into his little chubby hands. Everything is so much harder for J to accomplish  because of the feeding tube & his oxygen tube . But he is one little determined guy & with lots of love & attention we all know he will eventually catch up with babies his age .
 
@WJo:  I'm glad that the grandfather doesn't want custody but does want to be in J's life.  However, if his daughter stays on drugs, her hopes of a "perfect" baby are unlikely and she probably shouldn't ever have any more children.  Kudos to your granddaughter and your family for taking J into your lives!
4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator
~ 10 years ago   Sep 16, '13 10:39pm  
If he's uninterested because the child is less than perfect, then it sounds like bio-mom got some of her shallow selfish attitude from her parents. Maybe she's a very troubled teen because she feels like she never measured up to her parent's standards of perfection and never felt real love from them. Most parents teach their children about unconditional love and she might have missed out on that vital lesson.It's sad, but also a blessing for your family. 4951
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mm4731 Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 10 years ago   Sep 17, '13 7:21am  
[ Removed By Request. ] 4951
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WskyTngoFxtrt Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 10 years ago   Sep 17, '13 7:45am  
IMO someone like her should be forced to get her tubes tied
 
@mm4731: No doubt. The mother of the boy we are adopting signed her rights away on a napkin for $20.
4951
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mm4731 Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 10 years ago   Sep 17, '13 7:52am  
[ Removed By Request. ] 4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator
~ 10 years ago   Sep 17, '13 8:58am  
And, where was this guy in the formative years of bio-mom's live, when teaching character, values, morals and responsibility are vital to raising productive members of society?  He might be an absentee parent himself and the root of the problem.  Sounds like she has deep seeded issues, and is not just a teen with a good background and good family that started off on the right track and just got in with the wrong crowd. 
 
Sounds like J is much better off and will have great oppportunities to learn, grow and expernience true unconditional love.  4951
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GoldenGirl Active Indicator LED Icon 15
~ 10 years ago   Sep 17, '13 9:07am  
And, where was this guy in the formative years of bio-mom's live, when teaching character, values, morals and responsibility are vital to raising productive members of society?  He might be an absentee parent himself and the root of the problem.  Sounds like she has deep seeded issues, and is not just a teen with a good background and good family that started off on the right track and just got in with the wrong crowd. 
 
Sounds like J is much better off and will have great oppportunities to learn, grow and expernience true unconditional love. 
 
@donnatella: I agree it sound like the baby is in a much better situation and will be given the chance to thrive with his current family.   BUT I hate that everyone is quick to jump on the grandfather for the daughters actiions...   He could be partially at fault or he could not sometimes kids take a BAD path no matter what a parent does.  I am sure he is totally embarrased by his daughters behavior...  He could have just walked away like his daughter or selfishly fought for the baby, but he is doing what is best for the baby now by checking in to make sure he is in a loving home....   I would not be so quick to judge the grandfather the mother is another story !!!  Sounds like a sorry excuse for a human being !!!I have a brother who is special needs (mentally handicapped) and the other day a woman came up to him and I and said.....  "My neighbor has one like that" referring to my brother...    I swear I wanted to punch her in the throat !!!!!
4951
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mm4731 Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 10 years ago   Sep 17, '13 9:14am  
[ Removed By Request. ] 4951
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taramay Active Indicator LED Icon 14
~ 10 years ago   Sep 17, '13 9:17am  
@WJo  My wee one is almost 9 1/2 months and she STILL refuses to try and crawl, and she's perfectly healthy (had her check up just yesterday!). So as far as littke J being behind...he's already ahead of my lazy baby! It sounds like the grandfather has good intentions anf I think your family is doing the right thing by encouraging him to be part of J's life.@GoldenGirl  You missed a really good opportunity to chew that woman's :***:  Though you probably did the right thing by now causing chaos in front of your brother. Can't say I would have been able to walk away from that one! 4951
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