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Extra-marital

Extra-marital

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by: Love2Run Active Indicator LED Icon 9 OP 
~ 10 years ago   Sep 5, '13 9:49am  
I was having an interesting discussion with a close friend of mine recently and wondered about the general opinion.  She said that many happily married folks fantasize about straying and a good majority actually do without it adversly affecting their marital relationship.  My circle of friends is small and I would guess that my married friends are faithful, but I've never asked them.  My friend relays that she knows many of her friends and co-workers are having affairs and that, for the most part, it either helps the marriage (?) or at the least, doesn't affect it negatively.  My questions:1)  Do you agree that most married people fantasize about cheating?  (I say yes)2)  How does someone NOT know her spouse is cheating???  (I knew....)3)  How could it strengthen the marital relationship?  (I can see how it could, only if the affair was shortlived.)4)  Would you cheat if you knew you wouldn't get caught?  (IMO, most men will say YES!) 4951
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WJo Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 10 years ago   Sep 5, '13 10:00am  
1.no, if you are happy in your marriage you do not need to fantasize about someone else. .2.I knew in my 1st marriage & got rid of him .3. eventually it hurts the marriage & the trust can never be the same.4. Never, I'm very happily married & do not need anyone else , my hubby keeps me very happy .  4951
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Retired_Engineer Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 10 years ago   Sep 5, '13 10:00am  
1) Yes. Fantasies are a safe outlet.2) It depends on the people3) I have no idea4) Probably not.  I've had opportunities,  but chose not to go through with it.My wife asked me if I looked at other women when we were engaged.  I told her "hell yeah, I am getting married but I am not dead".  She was fine with that. 4951
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Fallon Active Indicator LED Icon 18
~ 10 years ago   Sep 5, '13 10:05am  
Removed By Request 4951
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lilmama09 Active Indicator LED Icon 2
~ 10 years ago   Sep 5, '13 10:07am  
1) I don't think most people
fantasize about cheating. I think we all find some celebrities hot and
attractive, but if someone is truly in love with the person they're with
then no they don't think about cheating.2) I think if someone is
being cheated on, eventually they figure it out; I think that deep down
they know and are more than likely denying it until a certain point.3)
Now as far as strengthening the relationship... I think, for example,
men who cheat for the physical part, a relationship might be better
afterwards. But when emotions come into play then I don't think there's
any helping the relationship cuz the trust is broken.4) With whom I'm with now- never. I love my man and am very happy being with him. 4951
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Love2Run Active Indicator LED Icon 9 OP 
~ 10 years ago   Sep 5, '13 10:08am  
All of that is bs, imo.  Unless you are cheating and want to feel good about it.
 
@Fallon: This was based on a conversation I had with a close girl friend.  And I don't agree with you at all.  I don't think cheaters 'feel good' about cheating. 
4951
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Fallon Active Indicator LED Icon 18
~ 10 years ago   Sep 5, '13 10:09am  
Removed By Request 4951
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lilmama09 Active Indicator LED Icon 2
~ 10 years ago   Sep 5, '13 10:17am  
Not saying they feel good about it, saying they want to feel good about it.All that sounds like justifying bad behavior.  And cheating is bad behavior.  If you aren't happy with who you are with, and you have to cheat to be happy with that person.  You need to not be with that person, imo.
 
@Fallon: Even when someone is cheating on their SO, they are still not happy being with that person. I think most people who cheat always have that guilty conscience when they are with the person they're cheating on.
4951
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notfromhere Active Indicator LED Icon 12
~ 10 years ago   Sep 5, '13 10:48am  
1)  The vast majority of people fantasize. It's normal and healthy. I don't think you fantasize about cheating, because you don't think "oh this is how I am going to sneak out and make sure my wife doesn't find out that I slept with Scarlett Johanson". You just see her in a movie and then later maybe fantasize about her. I am sure my wife does it. Heck her eyes pop out every time she sees Bradley Cooper! You may fantasize about being with someone else, but not necessarily that you are going behind your partner's back. It's a fantasy! In my fantasies I am not married. 2)  It depends on the circumstances of the marriage. I know some people who have successfully done it, but in this day and age of texting, facebook, etc it probably is more difficult. 3)  It doesn't strengthen the marriage. A friend of mine tried to justify his cheating by saying that his wife was off sex, but that he still loved her and they felt good in everything else. To me that is not acceptable. A marriage should include sex, a lot of it (unless there is a severe illness) and if it doesn't, then something is wrong. If you need sex with other people to strenghten your marriage, you need a different partner. 4)  I have had a lot of opportunities to cheat and not get caught because I travel for business a lot. I have never acted on it. So, no.  4951
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mm4731 Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 10 years ago   Sep 5, '13 11:45am  
[ Removed By Request. ] 4951
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Love2Run Active Indicator LED Icon 9 OP 
~ 10 years ago   Sep 5, '13 11:50am  
@Love2Run are you sure your friend isn't a swinger? Sound's to me like shes trying to feel you out and then feel you up
 
 
 
@mm4731:  haha!  no, I'm very sure that wasn't her intention!  And if she swings, I'd be very, very surprised.  She's pretty pollyana'ish. 
4951
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GoldenGirl Active Indicator LED Icon 15
~ 10 years ago   Sep 5, '13 11:55am  
1) Do you agree that most married people fantasize about cheating?      No, I think most people fantasize about others but not about "cheating"...2) How does someone NOT know her spouse is cheating???    I think many people do not want to see what is in front of them...   I also think there are a lot of very talented liars out there.3) How could it strengthen the marital relationship?  I don't think it can strengthen a relationship...  I think the trust would be broken an that is something that is very difficute to get once lost...4) Would you cheat if you knew you wouldn't get caught?    I don't think so..  I have had opportunites and the attention from someone else was flattering and a fun outlet to be flirted with but I never followed throught with anything. 4951
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mm4731 Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 10 years ago   Sep 5, '13 11:56am  
[ Removed By Request. ] 4951
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Love2Run Active Indicator LED Icon 9 OP 
~ 10 years ago   Sep 5, '13 11:57am  

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@Love2Run are you sure your friend isn't a swinger? Sound's to me like shes trying to feel you out and then feel you up
 
 
@mm4731:  haha!  no, I'm very sure that wasn't her intention!  And if she swings, I'd be very, very surprised.  She's pretty pollyana'ish. 
@Love2Run: are you sure? cause in my mind that's exactly how it went down Emoticon
 
@mm4731:   and your mind is a terrible thing!  or so I gather. 
4951
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mm4731 Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 10 years ago   Sep 5, '13 12:23pm  
[ Removed By Request. ] 4951
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Retired_Engineer Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 10 years ago   Sep 5, '13 12:40pm  
I told my wife that I have a list of women that, if they call and say they want me, I'm gone!  There are a lot of women on that list, but none of them have ever called.   Emoticon 4951
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