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Advice

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by: Heathur Active Indicator LED Icon 12 OP 
~ 10 years ago   Jul 18, '13 3:17pm  
So I try not to get into personal business, but I'm truly stumped right now. DH & I are common law married but this past June on our 9th anniversary, he gave me a new ring & we set a date for our wedding that will be next June on our 10th anniversary. Well he picked his bestman & groomsmen, & I chose my maid if honor (my sister) & bridesmaids (his youngest sister who I'm super super close with, she's the best, my uncle/ brother's wife, & DH's cousin who I've always been close with. Well DH also has another sister who is the middle child who we see maybe 2 or 3 times a year tops. Growing up the two fought like cats & dogs & when we lived in the woodlands, we invited her to every get together we had (& there were plenty). She came to 1, stayed 15 minutes, & left. She & DH were NEVER close, she & I have never been close, & we never see her. Well I asked DH if he wanted me to add her as a bridesmaid & he said no for all of the reasons I just listed, plus he said "If she were the one getting married do you think she'd ask you to be a bridesmaid? Because I don't." So we both agreed to not adding her to the bridal party but hadn't 100% written it off because he was thinking about adding a friend of his & she would be my extra to go with him. Anyways, she calls him a week & a half after we set a date & basically cusses him out for not having her in the wedding but having their other sister & cousin, calls me a *****, says "**** both of us", tells him he needs to leave me. (We've been together 9 years & have a 6 yr old together. Really?) So DH goes off on her, calls their mom to update her who basically puts up for the sister by saying she's bipolar but agrees it was wrong, then gets really mad at DH when he tells her that he's the one who didn't want her in the wedding not me. Well his youngest sister who I am extremely close to has been very hands on with everything so far, has been dress shopping with me, has volunteered to help make things, do anything possible to help, is going shopping more tomorrow with me as well as a bridal expo at George R Brown Saturday. Their mom tried to keep the little sister from going tomorrow by forcing her to spend time with the sister, but she doesn't want to, she wants to go with me. So now their mom is letting the little sister come over tonight after all, but she wants DH to meet the middle sister who cusses us out to talk things out. She also told DH "and I know it's y'all's wedding & all, but I'd really like to see all 3 of my children up there." I told DH that I really don't want her to be, especially since it took her this long to even make an attempt, plus I feel like this "talk" is really the mom's orchestrating & not the middle sister's doing, or else it would have been her requesting a talk & not their mom. I told DH that I didn't want to have her as a bridesmaid, especially since she's not apologized. He said everyones going to give us **** if she does apologize & we don't let her be in it, plus the wedding is going to be a big **** storm with his family if that's the case. I say if they want to be mad at anyone, they can be mad at her for saying those things. DH said he doesn't want me to put her up there if I don't want to, but I feel slightly obligated to because of his mom & family. Thoughts or advice are welcome & appreciated. 4951
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jax Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 10 years ago   Jul 18, '13 3:21pm  
Whose wedding is it again? Nuff said!
 
4951
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Heathur Active Indicator LED Icon 12 OP 
~ 10 years ago   Jul 18, '13 3:27pm  
That's how I feel @Jax . Plus I don't think it's right that she say those things then get her way because she apologized (IF she even does apologize.) It's the same thing as a kid crying to get its way to me & I don't agree with that. You can treat someone like crap & then get your way because you said sorry. His family should be mad at her, not DH or me in my opinion. 4951
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mm4731 Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 10 years ago   Jul 18, '13 3:36pm  
[ Removed By Request. ] 4951
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buffaloglenn Active Indicator LED Icon 11
~ 10 years ago   Jul 18, '13 3:37pm  
Sounds like too much drama - you should just go somewhere on vacation and get married without all the baggage and drama.  There is no way you can please everyone in a large family.  4951
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Fallon Active Indicator LED Icon 18
~ 10 years ago   Jul 18, '13 3:40pm  
Removed By Request 4951
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Irispixies Active Indicator LED Icon 2
~ 10 years ago   Jul 18, '13 3:41pm  
It's your wedding, if you don't want her up there then she doesn't need to be. I just got married in September and had a similar situation but in the end did what WE wanted not what everyone else wanted. This is your day not theirs, don't accommodate other people just so you don't feel bad. Would you rather have a happy wedding and all the things that come with it or everything be stressful and not what you want? 4951
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BooBear Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 10 years ago   Jul 18, '13 3:46pm  
Honestly, I would probably justet her be a bridesmaid. Is it really going to hurt you to see her up there when you are finally marrying the love of your life? It sounds like the future in laws are trying to make this about them. There are just so many more and bigger things to fight over. But if you decide not to, then tell them and then move on with the plans, don't dwell on it. As far as them trying to use the sister to get their way, there is really not much you can do about that. She is the mother.
 
 
I hope I understood the situation correctly, if not disregardEmoticon 4951
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Love2Run Active Indicator LED Icon 9
~ 10 years ago   Jul 18, '13 3:47pm  
You could simply elope but you'd miss the fairy-tale event you seem excited about.  (I had one of those once...and don't remember much about it 'cause it was a whirlwind and more about what everyone ELSE wanted but me. )Honestly, once it's over and everyone's lives get back to normal, it really won't matter.  She'll still be a stinker and whether or not you've bowed to their wishes, it won't change her.  I'd vote for doing what you and your fiance want.  It should be your day and if they don't understand that now, they never will.  4951
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GoldenGirl Active Indicator LED Icon 15
~ 10 years ago   Jul 18, '13 3:50pm  
I had some people in my wedding party that I was not close to but my mom wanted included... I was sooo in love and in gaga land that I didn't care....    That being said it is YOUR day and if you both feel strongly about it then she should not be included... It is YOUR choice not anyone elses... 4951
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Jpgurl Active Indicator LED Icon 18
~ 10 years ago   Jul 18, '13 4:12pm  
If Y'all been together 10 years and already have a child why put yourselves through heck planning a ceremony. I say elope,throw a nice party and save the $$.
Trust me on this- been married for 33 years I still have nightmares about our wedding and it was small. Even my dd's very laid back wedding last year had its drama, tears and fights. And in the end all that's important is that you and your dh are committed to each other and to your child (...ren if you have more).
 
That whole post would've been enough for me to elope!! If its that bad now just wait... 4951
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mm4731 Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 10 years ago   Jul 18, '13 4:14pm  
[ Removed By Request. ] 4951
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Heathur Active Indicator LED Icon 12 OP 
~ 10 years ago   Jul 18, '13 4:25pm  
If Y'all been together 10 years and already have a child why put yourselves through heck planning a ceremony. I say elope,throw a nice party and save the $$.
Trust me on this- been married for 33 years I still have nightmares about our wedding and it was small. Even my dd's very laid back wedding last year had its drama, tears and fights. And in the end all that's important is that you and your dh are committed to each other and to your child (...ren if you have more).
 
That whole post would've been enough for me to elope!! If its that bad now just wait...
 
@Jpgurl:
 
My parents are giving us the wedding. They really want to give it to us & honestly DH & I both want one too. After waiting this long I am really looking forward to it. Not everyone has the opportunity to not only make a life long commitment to their best friend, but also have the wedding of their dreams. I'm blessed enough to be getting both. On top of that, one of the most special moments has been going through my mom & dad's wedding book, listening to their stories, seeing my mom's dress & momentos. The look on her face when I asked to wear her pearls, her headpiece, & use parts of her dress was honestly unbeatable. I want to be able to give my daughter the same one day. We have a year to save & *are* planning a week honeymooning in Florida. This is honestly what DH & I have talked about & wanted for years. I just wish weddings didn't make family crazy!! Lol 4951
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Humbletexan1 Active Indicator LED Icon 1
~ 10 years ago   Jul 18, '13 4:25pm  
I am with jpgurl. You have been a family for 10 years. Go elope or go to the JP and concentrate your time and money on the reception. I think you will have a better time with less stress. However, if you really want the wedding then do what pleases you and hubby to be. The others can plan their weddings the wau they choose. Good luck to you and remember no matter what you choose, you won't please everyone, so make sure you and hubby to be are pleased. Let us know how it turns out. 4951
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Heathur Active Indicator LED Icon 12 OP 
~ 10 years ago   Jul 18, '13 4:32pm  
I am with jpgurl. You have been a family for 10 years. Go elope or go to the JP and concentrate your time and money on the reception. I think you will have a better time with less stress. However, if you really want the wedding then do what pleases you and hubby to be. The others can plan their weddings the wau they choose. Good luck to you and remember no matter what you choose, you won't please everyone, so make sure you and hubby to be are pleased. Let us know how it turns out.
 
@Humbletexan1:
 
See my comment right above yours. Emoticon We both really want the wedding. Have talked about it for years. We've discussed eloping or JP multiple times & we both feel like we'd regret it in the long run. We want our family & friends to celebrate the special day with us, we want that one day. We're finally getting it thanks to my parents generosity. I will definitely post how it turns out. I've already asked the venue about security. I'm Mexican & a lot of his family is racist. If there is any remark made by anyone that's out of line, I will not hesitate to have them removed. (How sad is that? lol) 4951
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Heathur Active Indicator LED Icon 12 OP 
~ 10 years ago   Jul 18, '13 4:36pm  
UPDATE: DH just got off the phone with his mom. The middle sister who said all of this mess isn't even coming to apologize tonight after all. I'm officially saying no to her being a bridesmaid. Besides, if I let them manipulate me into giving them their way, I'm only going against what I really want just because I'm a nice person & want to avoid drama. I'm done though. Not a chance she'll be in it. I'd love for her to attend, that way she doesn't look back in 20 years & regret missing it because she was bat **** crazy, but that's it. They have one person to blame & that's her. 4951
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