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Nightmares & PTSD

Nightmares & PTSD

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by: Heathur Active Indicator LED Icon 12 OP 
~ 10 years ago   May 11, '13 9:22am  
So my best friend is a vet who's done 2 tours in Afghanistan. Lately (for the past 6 nights) he's been having his nightmares & flashbacks. He's miserable & has had just a few hours sleep in the past 6 days, literally asks me to help him because he can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do other than try my best to console him. Remind him that they aren't real anymore, he just followed orders & did what he had to do to protect his country & freedoms, the past is the past, he's a wonderful person, etc. I honestly think he's got PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) & I mentioned it to him. He said he's pretty positive he has it but his pride is getting in the way of getting help. I'm urging him to see a counselor or therapist but in the meantime, does anyone have any advice on how to console him? What things to say to make him feel better? What to say/ do to help with the nightmares? I'm at a loss & any advice would be a great help. Thanks in advance. 4951
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jax Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 10 years ago   May 11, '13 9:30am  
You're doing what you should be doing. Keep on trying. He has to keep hearing you, and others, are there for him. He also has to push his pride aside for his own benefit and seek help. Until then, there's not much else you can do.
 
You can't make anyone do anything you don't want them to do without threatening violence. In this case, though, it wouldn't be a good idea. 4951
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Okiedokie Active Indicator LED Icon 11
~ 10 years ago   May 11, '13 9:35am  
does anyone have any advice on how to console him? What things to say to make him feel better? What to say/ do to help with the nightmares? I'm at a loss
 
@Heathur: Be there for him and let him know he has someone who will listen.  Also, keep encouraging him to get help.  It is not easy for soldiers to get help.  As he gets more comfortable with speaking to you, do not act shocked or horrified at what he had to do over there.  My ex did 2 tours there and in Iraq.  He also did tours elsewhere.  He came home a completely different person.  He would wake up screaming, he became completely isolated from our daughter and I b/c he was afraid he would hurt us.  He opened up to me and I heard some pretty horrific stories about what went on there, I tried to encourage him to get help but he wouldn't.  It has been 4 years and he hasn't seen his dd at all in that time and is just now starting to work again.  He never got help and turned to other things to help. Please tell your friend thank you very much for his service.  He truly is a hero.
4951
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Francita Active Indicator LED Icon 17
~ 10 years ago   May 11, '13 10:00am  
A friend of mine has problem sleeping, not for PTSD, but anyway she started listening to meditation music and looking at beautiful pics that make her happy and it has really improved her sleeping habits.  So your thread got me thinking and I googled PTSD bedtime meditation.  I found this:  operationmeditation. com/discover/effecti ve-and-commonly-pres cribed-ptsd-too Stress
Many people suffering from PTSD also experience anxiety or
depression. Treating these symptoms is essential to the recovery of
PTSD. Meditation is often recommended to patients who are trying to
eliminate these symptoms. Meditation alters the brain chemicals,
boosting
GABA, DHEA, endorphins and melatonin which can help boost our mood
naturally, reducing stress and allowing your body to maintain a healthy
balance which can ward off other side effects. Research has shown that
PTSD sufferers who took on a regular meditation routine were able to
sleep more soundly at night, eliminating frightening nightmares or
fitful dreams that were caused by the trauma. They were also able to
better process their therapy, aiding in their ability to address the
events that caused their fear.Maybe something like this will help him.  Good luck to your friend.  4951
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mgw300e Active Indicator LED Icon 11
~ 10 years ago   May 11, '13 10:16am  
He needs to find someone that "knows what he's been through." He's probably fairly isolated from that right now. "regular" people or counselors can only understand it on an intellectual level. This is why firemen and paramedics tend to only have friends from work because no one understands exactly what you've seen and experienced of they haven't seen and experienced it too.
 
Best bet is probably a combat vet that is now a counselor. 4951
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Heathur Active Indicator LED Icon 12 OP 
~ 10 years ago   May 11, '13 10:43am  
@Jax the hard thing is that he wants help, but he's said that he "thinks he has it, he just doesn't want to admit to it." but he's also said last night that he might go back to a therapist because he'll do anything to make the nightmares stop.
 
@Okiedokie I tell him literally daily that I'm here for him, & he knows I am. I'm the person he talks to about that stuff. He's told me some of the things he's seen/ had to do. I never tell him I know how he feels because I don't, or try to compare it to something hard in my own life because nothing could ever come close. I just couldn't even imagine how it feels to have seen/ do some of those things. I keep encouraging him to get help & I think... HOPE he's going to go. I tell him every time he talks about war that he's a hero who's done a job not many people can do. That he's put his life on the line to protect his country & his freedoms. That he followed orders & did what he has to do. That he's the definition of a hero. He always says he doesn't feel that way but I can tell it makes him feel a little better when I say it. It makes him smile & I guess that's a start.
 
@Francita he's super super manly & macho. Not religious at all. I don't think he'd try nice pictures or meditation but I will try to get him to at least look into meditation. Emoticon
 
@mgw300e one of his war buddies moved about 30 minutes away from him a couple of weeks ago. A man he deeply respects, a man who literally saved his life. They've been hanging out together & I've heard their conversations. They'll get a few drinks in them & the war stories just pour from both of them. I think that's what's triggered his nightmares again & I told him so. (And before anyone asks, he is not an alcoholic, doesn't binge drink or drink every night. He's a social drinker. No drugs either.) I know he needs a counselor. I'll just keep trying.
 
Thanks all of you, so so much. Any advice on what to say after a nightmare? I leave my Skype on at night so he can Skype me when he has a nightmare. (He lives alone & is also DH's best friend.) He talks to both of us about what happened over there but much more so to me because he feels somewhat less manly talkin to DH? I dunno. But yeah, advice for post nightmares?? 4951
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Francita Active Indicator LED Icon 17
~ 10 years ago   May 11, '13 10:50am  
@heathur, meditation does not have to be religious.  My friend is not religious at all.  Its more 'get in touch with your inner self' 4951
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Fixer6 Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 10 years ago   May 11, '13 10:51am  
[ Removed By Request ] 4951
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Heathur Active Indicator LED Icon 12 OP 
~ 10 years ago   May 11, '13 11:19am  
@Fixer6 He runs a lot, walks his dogs, & plays Xbox but that's about it for extra curriculars, lol. I will suggest puzzles though because that sounds like a really good idea & something he'd be good at. I've suggested doing volunteer work too but he's never got on board with it. I try teaching him Spanish & he teaches me Gaelic. He actually catches onto Spanish pretty quickly so I'll suggest a proper class. The confrontations, well we're working on those. Like I said, he's super manly & prideful & feels like he has to prove that any chance he gets. When he goes out with the boys I have to make him promise not to fight, so yeah lol. He only drinks socially & no drugs. (Thank god.) I'll just keep urging counseling & let him know I'm there. Thanks. 4951
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Fixer6 Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 10 years ago   May 11, '13 11:54am  
[ Removed By Request ] 4951
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topcat Active Indicator LED Icon 12
~ 10 years ago   May 11, '13 12:16pm  
@Heathur We can give you all kinds of advice, but he really needs a trained therapist. Tell him to contact the VA. Remind him that he *is* a hero and so are all the other veterans with PTSD. Acknowlege his pride,as a good quality, along with fortitude and mental strength he had to go through what he did. The VA treats PTSD for a reason. Because it's REAL and needs treatment.  Everyone who has gone for help has the same admirable qualities your friend has.  Those attributes made them good soldiers.  Our human brains simply aren't wired to come back from those experiences and be the same as they were before.  Just as *he* needed specialized training to become a soldier, his *brain* needs specialized training to "come back" to his civilian lifestyle. There is NO SHAME in that! Have him read this thread or forward some of these responses to him. God Bless him! 4951
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Burnsway Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 10 years ago   May 11, '13 12:16pm  
The news could be triggering a bunch of it also. I know my daughter not veteran related obviously but trauma related, she will go months with no issues but just seeing a dental commercial or a bloody mouth can set her off for days of anxiety while other times it doesn't phase her. I agree that you are doing about all you can as just being there and being a friend. He really has to decide on his "own" to get help. Im sorry but I think video games are not a good idea with military type PTSD but if you could get your friend in Martial arts it has proven to be very successful with both mild and full blown  Emoticontsd.Edited to say that if he chose martial arts he would have to open up with the instructor to make sure the master he chooses understands his issue as martial arts can and has triggered it in some people and a good instructor uses that to both their advantage but a master needs to be aware of it. If he shows interest I bet he can find a martial arts class designed just for PTSD as many if not all psychiatrist have suggested this as an outside therapy for ptsd patients.Here is a good article on it and why we put our daughter in it.  http://www.courtneyarmstronglpc.com/using-martial-arts-to-fight-ptsd/ 4951
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Heathur Active Indicator LED Icon 12 OP 
~ 10 years ago   May 11, '13 1:30pm  
@Fixer6 He works on his car a lot. He's not into biking or boating, but he does fish & he is a big time gun enthusiast. Has a TON of guns & takes them apart/ cleans them alllllllll religiously. (And no, he isn't suicidal & doesn't have the urge to kill or harm himself or others, lol.) I've told him the same, that maybe he should take a break from hanging out with the buddy until the nightmare stops or he gets counseling.
 
@topcat I've said all of those things almost verbatim. I like the way you worded about his brain needed special training just like he did. I will definitely be using that, thank you. I was also wondering a lot if anyone knew of a way to console him like, right after the nightmares. I've never really had them so that's unfamiliar territory to me as well.
 
@Burnsway your daughter sounds like one strong trooper. I'm glad she's been able to get help. Emoticon As for the games, he doesn't play military type. More futuristic & scifi stuff, some soccer & racing games. Also brain teasers like portal. They honesty help him unwind. I've mentioned some kind of martial arts, but he had extensive hand to hand combat training & thinks he knows all there is. I told him its about self discipline more than fighting but he's not hearing it. Hopefully he sees someone & they can find something for him. 4951
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Nicole4647 Active Indicator LED Icon 2
~ 10 years ago   May 11, '13 1:57pm  
As much as u and him don't want to hear this... there's not much he can do about it. My husband has the EXACT same problem but a little worse and it's been going on for years. He went to our doctor which said the only doctor that can help is the VA doctor. Went there and talked to someone over Skype and they said ok, ur done I'll contact you about another appt in a few months and here's the letter for ur disability. They put him on trazadone and that's it. He works nights and he can ONLY sleep if I go to work late, after he falls asleep. And he won't see his disability money any time soon.... we're hoping 7 years. Meanwhile he becomes less and less productive at work but he now will have a harder time finding a new job with his new disability rating. We're just lucky my job can support both of us. His is so bad that when we get to sleep at the same time gets up at all hours of the night and just starts running in the other room or up and down the stairs. He always thinks he sees "people" from Iraq watching him or standing at the bedroom door. I wonder if they got together and talked about it if it might help them both. 4951
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Fixer6 Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 10 years ago   May 11, '13 1:58pm  
[ Removed By Request ] 4951
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Ann2800 Active Indicator LED Icon 12
~ 10 years ago   May 12, '13 1:23am  
@Heathur We can give you all kinds of advice, but he really needs a trained therapist. Tell him to contact the VA. Remind him that he *is* a hero and so are all the other veterans with PTSD. Acknowlege his pride,as a good quality, along with fortitude and mental strength he had to go through what he did. The VA treats PTSD for a reason. Because it's REAL and needs treatment.  Everyone who has gone for help has the same admirable qualities your friend has.  Those attributes made them good soldiers.  Our human brains simply aren't wired to come back from those experiences and be the same as they were before.  Just as *he* needed specialized training to become a soldier, his *brain* needs specialized training to "come back" to his civilian lifestyle. There is NO SHAME in that! Have him read this thread or forward some of these responses to him. God Bless him!
 
@topcat: Exactly we can only tell you what we think.  He needs help and support.   A counselor that may help and give meds for this directly.  Thank him for us for being such a hero.
4951
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