You would think most of what I have to say would be
self-evident behavior for the drop off line at school, but sadly, it seems not.
What the hell are you people thinking?
First, of course,...people, get off your damn cell
phones! How many times do people have to be told this? You’re in line for 2
minutes (unless there is another inconsiderate putts like you in the line),
don’t you think the high profile world issues you face on a daily basis could
wait until you drive off? Pull forward retard!
Second, coffee...you prepping your $6.50 cup
cream-mocha-latté-whateverthehellitis is not an acceptable reason for holding
the rest of us up. If you just have to mix your lead filled package of Chinese
slave labor flavoring before heading off to your stressful day, could you drop
your child off, pull to the side, and do it out of the flow of traffic? Pull
forward retard!
Third, whatever the hell it is you are digging for
in your console. Why do you stare at the line, eyes fixed forward,
waiting...waiting...waiting...and then just seconds before it’s time to pull
forward, you pull your hands away from the wheel, flip open your console, and
start digging for...?...what? What the hell are you digging for? You never find
it! The statistical odds of finding anything in your console, while waiting in
line to drop off you child, is nill. You have proven time and time again. It’s
not there. It’s never there. Pull forward retard!
Next, dressing your kid in the car. If you don’t
have your child dressed by the time you arrive at the drop off line, then you
are not ready to get in the drop off line. Most of us dress our kids at home…I
know, weird concept! If your kid is late, your kid is late...and dressing him
or her in front of the school, in line, holding the rest of us up, does not
somehow magically stop the clock and make it all OK. I know, I know, “It takes
a village,” but the village is stacking up behind you, and we really wish you
would pull forward retard!
OK, “Snoop-Dog”...yes, you driving the 1987
Corolla with the snap-on hubcap spinners and the bumper sticker that says “My
other car is Tupac”, stop getting out of your car each day, defiantly starring
at the line waiting behind you, and doing that damn swagger where you hold your
balls with one hand and walk as s-l-o-w-a-s--p-o-s-s-i-b-l-e around to the
other side of your car to let your kid out. There are two teachers and ten
monitors there to make sure you kid gets out safely. If you just have to do
this routine everyday, then move to the side, otherwise...pull forward retard!
Slack-jawed people...I am pretty sure you can’t
read this, but hopefully a nose breather has seen it and passed it on to
you...that big empty space in front of you...the big 5 car space between you
and the lady up there on her cell phone...that is a space which your car and
the 4 people behind you should be filling in. Those people up there with the
safety vests, waving their arms, looking at you like you should close your
mouth and step on the accelerator are giving you the universal signal to...pull
forward retard!
Last, the stay at home moms...do you have to talk
to every other stay at home mother that you happen to see on school grounds?
What the hell do you have to talk about each and every day? You just talked to
her yesterday when you held us all up, what could possibly transpired in the
last 24 hours that would require you to once again pull forward 5 feet, step on
the brake, try to roll the window down, hit the locks, lock again, roll down
the window, talk for-damn-ever, and then roll your window up, pull forward
another 5 feet, and repeat the whole process again? Maybe you could start a
coffee clutch, a “La Madelin’s For Moms,” or some other type of morning meeting
that would satisfy your craving for endless conversation, but somewhere other
than in front of the other 20 cars trying to drop their kids off. Until you
come up with a plan, could you please pull ALL the way forward retard! 4951