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DH went to court yesterday!!!!!!!

DH went to court yesterday!!!!!!!

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by: pandi Active Indicator LED Icon  OP 
~ 11 years ago   Oct 12, '12 5:34pm  
To emancipate his adult daughter who is over age of majority. Simple case right???I bit of a long story here but please read...Well DH with his attorney approach the bench. Ex wife is appearing by telephone (this is all out of state).After
his attorney states her case of emancipation of his adult daughter
asking the court to simply terminate child support. (She is 21) When
it was the ex's turn to talk (pro se) she begins with how terrible he
is as a 'so called father', that he spends all his money on drinking and
smoking cigars... (he doesn't drink only on special occasions) and she
pays for clothing gas and car payments for his daughter and expects him
to continue to pay child support as long as she continues to live at
home with her.  Also she says she is unemployed and has no money so he
should continue to pay. (She is remarried and her husband makes good
money to support her, she doesn't have to work). Anyway when the judge
tried to explain to her that the daughter is an adult now and he doesn't
have to pay her child support anymore, she breaks out into a rage
screaming in court! The judge, the recorder, and everyone else in the
court looked stunned as this woman raged and screamed. The judge allowed
her to rant for awhile and then again explained to her that child
support really ended at 19 and he has been over paying for some time.
She just didn't get it. We think she just wanted him to pay
forever....like spousal support or something....crazy...Anyway,
after flying home yesterday he finds that his daughter DE-friended him on
facebook, and now refuses to ever speak to him again. What
happened here??? We, along with most everyone that has ever met his ex
wife knows she is a bit crazy, but this took the cake. The judge even
had to cut her off in court via the phone. The relationship between
my DH and his daughter has been strained for years since mom has always
had to control the situation and hates my husband so much she has taught
their daughter to hate him to. I feel it is a form of child
abuse she has done here. She destroyed a relationship between a father
that loves his daughter and has done all he can for her over the years. Do
you think this relationship will ever been fixed? Also, my hubby wants
to email his daughter and explain he still loves her even though she is
now emancipated. Because he doesn't send child support to her mother
anymore doesn't mean he doesn't love her!What do you do??????????????  This situation is heartbreaking! 4951
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ShineyApples Active Indicator LED Icon 17
~ 11 years ago   Oct 12, '12 5:40pm  
I would send the daughter emails regardless. What the Mother has done is horrible. The 21 year old needs to grow up and know that her Dad still loves her irregardless of her crazy Mom. 4951
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TexINS Active Indicator LED Icon 12
~ 11 years ago   Oct 12, '12 5:41pm  
Isn't there some saying about an apple not falling far from the tree. If she has been living with Mom forever, of course she is going to take her side. If it was my kid I would do everything I could to keep open lines of communication. Unfortunatley this is a common casualty of divorce. 4951
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perryamandam Active Indicator LED Icon
~ 11 years ago   Oct 12, '12 5:48pm  
First in my opinion she should be lucky he was a father and paid at all, because I've never received a penny which is fine, because my dh now is the only dad really my son has known. Second I think an email would be appropriate, but remember even though she's legally adult she may not be as mature as some 21 year olds, so word it carefully. Maybe explain to her (if y'all are willing) he will always be there and if financially she is ever in a bind or just needs some money (for a good reason of course) he will help HER out if possible, but not going thru the ex. I think in time it will heal sounds like maybe she still has some growing up to do, remember even though she's 21 that is still young and I know personally at 21 I still didn't make the best choices and still had my parents help when I needed it. I lost contact after my dad died with my stepmom (who was a second mother to me since I was 6) and just recently reached out to her after seven years, and have realized how much both I missed and my sons missed out on her being in our lives. But at that time I was only 22 and didn't really always think of other people. Hope this helps some!
 
To emancipate his adult daughter who is over age of majority. Simple case right???I bit of a long story here but please read...Well DH with his attorney approach the bench. Ex wife is appearing by telephone (this is all out of state).After
his attorney states her case of emancipation of his adult daughter
asking the court to simply terminate child support. (She is 21) When
it was the ex's turn to talk (pro se) she begins with how terrible he
is as a 'so called father', that he spends all his money on drinking and
smoking cigars... (he doesn't drink only on special occasions) and she
pays for clothing gas and car payments for his daughter and expects him
to continue to pay child support as long as she continues to live at
home with her.  Also she says she is unemployed and has no money so he
should continue to pay. (She is remarried and her husband makes good
money to support her, she doesn't have to work). Anyway when the judge
tried to explain to her that the daughter is an adult now and he doesn't
have to pay her child support anymore, she breaks out into a rage
screaming in court! The judge, the recorder, and everyone else in the
court looked stunned as this woman raged and screamed. The judge allowed
her to rant for awhile and then again explained to her that child
support really ended at 19 and he has been over paying for some time.
She just didn't get it. We think she just wanted him to pay
forever....like spousal support or something....crazy...Anyway,
after flying home yesterday he finds that his daughter befriended him on
facebook, and now refuses to ever speak to him again. What
happened here??? We, along with most everyone that has ever met his ex
wife knows she is a bit crazy, but this took the cake. The judge even
had to cut her off in court via the phone. The relationship between
my DH and his daughter has been strained for years since mom has always
had to control the situation and hates my husband so much she has taught
their daughter to hate him to. I feel it is a form of child
abuse she has done here. She destroyed a relationship between a father
that loves his daughter and has done all he can for her over the years. Do
you think this relationship will ever been fixed? Also, my hubby wants
to email his daughter and explain he still loves her even though she is
now emancipated. Because he doesn't send child support to her mother
anymore doesn't mean he doesn't love her!What do you do??????????????  This situation is heartbreaking!
 
@pandi:
 
4951
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topcat Active Indicator LED Icon 12
~ 11 years ago   Oct 12, '12 6:44pm  
Sounds like mom did a good job at brain washing the daughter. Unfortunately, this is hard to undo.  I think in time, and with age and wisdom she may realize what mom has done, but maybe not.  Email is a good idea, but maybe wait a couple of weeks (not too long) till daughter has a little time to cool off.  I agree with previous comments about dad letting his girl know that he wants to be in her life and help her if/when she needs it.  Mom should've planned better knowing that CS ends when the child graduates high school and had her finances in order.  What is she doing out of state anyway? Most divorce decrees say that when you have a child, you have to live in adjoining counties, or so I thought.  Maybe they moved when daughter turned 18? If not, which ever party violated that and moved, sent a clear message to the daughter that she wasn't the most important person in their life. If I were the daughter, I'd be more upset about distance than money. You can never repay lost time.  Just some thoughts. 4951
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bellalady Active Indicator LED Icon 1
~ 11 years ago   Oct 12, '12 7:02pm  
Send her an email telling her he still loves her, but it's time for her to grow up and stand on her own two feet. If she needs his help, he can send anything he wants to directly to her. The mother needs to be nonexistent in his life forget about her. She will never be satisfied. 4951
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KTownTexican Active Indicator LED Icon 11
~ 11 years ago   Oct 12, '12 7:12pm  
ooh,,, I hope I am never in that situation.... but
 
1st he really should have tried to communicate to his daugter everything he does for her and be honest when the money is tight,, etc... and flat out tell her that her mom, just hates him and is going to make his life horrible by lying to her, about him...
 
2nd... keeep trying tryint to communicate, that is key,,, eventually the daughter will reach out and talk,, but has to be away from mom,,  the hard part is getting her away from mom,,, maybe if she ever gets married,,, but mom will never let the divorce go,,, my ex doesnt
 
 
  4951
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BooBear Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 11 years ago   Oct 12, '12 7:17pm  
whaterever dad decides, he needs to NOT criticize mom. she has had enough of parent against parent.
 
i hate divorce. it makes ugly people. 4951
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Krislee Active Indicator LED Icon 1
~ 11 years ago   Oct 12, '12 8:23pm  
I could write a book on all the advice I would like to give but I will try to keep it short.
 
1. Never ever go without a lawyer. Child support is an obligation but that does not mean the ex should be allowed to walk all over you. If it were me, I would petition the courts to order her to pay back every penny that was overpaid.
2. A toxic relationship will always be passed to the kids. Happens all the time. Kids are the casualties of divorce and that is all the reason in the world to protect your marriages people.
3. Divorce makes people feel sorry for kids and that is very bad for the kids' development because it makes adults think that bad behavior should be excusable. What she did is abusive and that should not be allowed. I feel sympathy for cancer patients and our soldiers that have been injured in the line of duty. I dont feel sorry for a girl who would treat the man that took care of her like he was disposable. There are fatherless children all over the world that would give their right arm for a good father. If she doesnt value him then she doesnt deserve him.
4. I would send her a very short email and one short email only. The email would say I love you but you are too young to judge me for my actions. When you are ready to treat me like more than a cash cow then you know how to reach me.
 
This may sound harsh but we have maintain some level of dignity in life no matter how much we love someone. Otherwise, what kind of role models are we our kids? 4951
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silly123 Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 11 years ago   Oct 13, '12 7:23am  
Removed By Request 4951
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pandi Active Indicator LED Icon  OP 
~ 11 years ago   Oct 13, '12 10:52am  
Sounds like mom did a good job at brain washing the daughter. Unfortunately, this is hard to undo.  I think in time, and with age and wisdom she may realize what mom has done, but maybe not.  Email is a good idea, but maybe wait a couple of weeks (not too long) till daughter has a little time to cool off.  I agree with previous comments about dad letting his girl know that he wants to be in her life and help her if/when she needs it.  Mom should've planned better knowing that CS ends when the child graduates high school and had her finances in order.  What is she doing out of state anyway? Most divorce decrees say that when you have a child, you have to live in adjoining counties, or so I thought.  Maybe they moved when daughter turned 18? If not, which ever party violated that and moved, sent a clear message to the daughter that she wasn't the most important person in their life. If I were the daughter, I'd be more upset about distance than money. You can never repay lost time.  Just some thoughts.
 
@topcat: It is true, mom started the brainwashing the moment they got into the u-haul truck and moved his daughter 900 miles away. They had a loveless unhappy marriage for years. So once he asked for divorce, she quit her good paying job and left on this journey with his daughter without a job waiting for her. In their divorce state child support continued until 21 until they recently changed the law to 19. All he did was file for emancipation. He overpaid $1600 in support and the judge did order her to repay which he ordered within 60 days but my hubby did say she could make payments instead so it wouldn't be a hardship to come up with the lump sum. But we know we will never see that money again. That's ok. What is important is that my husband is a truly wonderful dad. He is a great dad to my children and is liked by all that know him. He never said one harsh word against the mother to his daughter in all these years. But this woman has made our life hell. She regulated when she was allowed to speak to him on the phone (with her in the room) and wouldn't allow her to visit us for years because he remarried and she didn't want her daughter around me...which by the way, she has never met or spoke to me! I tried early on to have a relationship with his daughter, emailing, sending her little gifts, etc. But I was told I wasn't allowed to email her since mom wouldn't allow it. His daughter is a junior in college. You would think she would be mature enough to tell her mother, look, this is my dad and you are my mom....I want to love and spend time with both of you without interference from the other. Simple as that. But no, she has cut this wonderful father out of her life and wants nothing to do with him. My heart breaks for him. He has been the most wonderful step dad to my children, and he is a wonderful man. Maybe in time his daughter will come around, but I doubt it for many years if even that, since mom has her so brainwashed. So sad, I would hate to see anyone go through this. My hubby did nothing more than ask the court to stop child support on a 21 year old junior in college. Seems to me mom needs some serious mental help. I hope his daughter doesn't turn into the bitter, sour unhappy woman that her mother is.
4951
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Fallon Active Indicator LED Icon 18
~ 11 years ago   Oct 13, '12 11:02am  
Removed By Request 4951
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Heathur Active Indicator LED Icon 12
~ 11 years ago   Oct 13, '12 11:07am  

@topcat: It is true, mom started the brainwashing the moment they got into the u-haul truck and moved his daughter 900 miles away. They had a loveless unhappy marriage for years. So once he asked for divorce, she quit her good paying job and left on this journey with his daughter without a job waiting for her. In their divorce state child support continued until 21 until they recently changed the law to 19. All he did was file for emancipation. He overpaid $1600 in support and the judge did order her to repay which he ordered within 60 days but my hubby did say she could make payments instead so it wouldn't be a hardship to come up with the lump sum. But we know we will never see that money again. That's ok. What is important is that my husband is a truly wonderful dad. He is a great dad to my children and is liked by all that know him. He never said one harsh word against the mother to his daughter in all these years. But this woman has made our life hell. She regulated when she was allowed to speak to him on the phone (with her in the room) and wouldn't allow her to visit us for years because he remarried and she didn't want her daughter around me...which by the way, she has never met or spoke to me! I tried early on to have a relationship with his daughter, emailing, sending her little gifts, etc. But I was told I wasn't allowed to email her since mom wouldn't allow it. His daughter is a junior in college. You would think she would be mature enough to tell her mother, look, this is my dad and you are my mom....I want to love and spend time with both of you without interference from the other. Simple as that. But no, she has cut this wonderful father out of her life and wants nothing to do with him. My heart breaks for him. He has been the most wonderful step dad to my children, and he is a wonderful man. Maybe in time his daughter will come around, but I doubt it for many years if even that, since mom has her so brainwashed. So sad, I would hate to see anyone go through this. My hubby did nothing more than ask the court to stop child support on a 21 year old junior in college. Seems to me mom needs some serious mental help. I hope his daughter doesn't turn into the bitter, sour unhappy woman that her mother is.
 
@pandi: How can she tell you that you "can't" e-mail a grown woman? She can maybe request that you stop, but you can e-mail or send her things considering she's GROWN. Your hubby was right, he shouldn't still be paying child support to a 21 year old. If she needs money, she is beyond old enough to get a job of her own, even while going to school. SAME WITH HER MOTHER. It is BOTH parents responsibilities to care financially for a CHILD. She is no longer a child. I don't understand women like her mother though. If your husband did what so many dad's DON'T do, & paid child support for all of those years, then I don't see why she has such a strong hate for him. SHE'S the one who moved away, didn't allow her to come visit, & regulated calls like a crazy person. What else does she expect from your husband?? How can she still not allow her to visit and regulate calls though? This girl is an ADULT. She needs to act like it & stand up for herself. It's sad that your husband isn't getting a fair chance at a relationship with his daughter. I hope that with time she comes around & wants to work on their relationship. Tell your husband to keep his chin up. He did the right thing.
4951
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pandi Active Indicator LED Icon  OP 
~ 11 years ago   Oct 13, '12 11:14am  
I wish it was that simple. Mom doesn't allow her to visit. Never has. He last saw her Dec 2010 when she was traveling from her state to San Antonio on a arranged visit by mom to visit her aunt. She had to come thru Houston to get there. Dad was allowed a few hours with her before she flew out, but she hasn't been allowed to spend time in our home. You see, mom would always 'interrogate' her after spending any time with dad, wanting info about him, our lives, etc. Also, mom warned her about ever giving any information about HER personal life as well. (Not that he ever asked for any or even cared). So his daughter never had much to say, she wouldn't discuss her life, school, what she has been doing or even who her friends are. She always lied about information. She even lied when they moved out of their apartment into a house (with her mom's now new husband) since she wasn't allowed to 'give out any information about mom'. Even the fact that mom not only had a boyfriend, but got married! We only found that out by accident. Facebook pictures showed his daughter in a new place, with their belongings in the room and when he asked did you move, she lied. She continued to lie about where they lived until it was time to send her birthday money and the gig was up. So sad....I just see no end to this insanity. 4951
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Fallon Active Indicator LED Icon 18
~ 11 years ago   Oct 13, '12 11:18am  
Removed By Request 4951
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Heathur Active Indicator LED Icon 12
~ 11 years ago   Oct 13, '12 11:19am  
I wish it was that simple. Mom doesn't allow her to visit. Never has. He last saw her Dec 2010 when she was traveling from her state to San Antonio on a arranged visit by mom to visit her aunt. She had to come thru Houston to get there. Dad was allowed a few hours with her before she flew out, but she hasn't been allowed to spend time in our home. You see, mom would always 'interrogate' her after spending any time with dad, wanting info about him, our lives, etc. Also, mom warned her about ever giving any information about HER personal life as well. (Not that he ever asked for any or even cared). So his daughter never had much to say, she wouldn't discuss her life, school, what she has been doing or even who her friends are. She always lied about information. She even lied when they moved out of their apartment into a house (with her mom's now new husband) since she wasn't allowed to 'give out any information about mom'. Even the fact that mom not only had a boyfriend, but got married! We only found that out by accident. Facebook pictures showed his daughter in a new place, with their belongings in the room and when he asked did you move, she lied. She continued to lie about where they lived until it was time to send her birthday money and the gig was up. So sad....I just see no end to this insanity.
 
@pandi: She is a 21 year old ADULT. The mom can no longer "not allow" her to do just about anything. He should tell her that! Remind her that she's a 21 year old grown WOMAN & encourage her to come visit y'all to work on a relationship & experience a new place (Houston). Mom sounds psychotic but his daughter needs to stand up for herself & make her OWN decisions. 
4951
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