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So my wife calls me at work



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OK, Maybe not MY wife, but you get the jest.

Wife by text to husband at work;

"Windows at home frozen - what will I do?

Husband: "Spray some de-icer, if that doesn’t work pour on hot water!

Wife a few minutes later -

"Done that, now computer won't work at all”.

 

Apr 5, 2012 - 06:27 pm
FoFa
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Wock wock wock

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.

Apr 5, 2012 - 06:32 pm
lola
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So true @lola, so true.

Apr 5, 2012 - 06:36 pm
FoFa
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@FoFa: My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

2 days of silence



Apr 5, 2012 - 06:55 pm
mm4731
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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He asked, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."
 
4 days of silence


Apr 5, 2012 - 06:57 pm
mm4731
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My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told
her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
 
1 day of silence


Apr 5, 2012 - 06:58 pm
mm4731
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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? "

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
 
2 days of silence

Apr 5, 2012 - 06:59 pm
mm4731
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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we
were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
 
2 days of silence


Apr 5, 2012 - 07:00 pm
mm4731
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My wife stood nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to me, "I feel Horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
Compliment."
I replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect
 
4 days of silence

Apr 5, 2012 - 08:04 pm
mm4731
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I am cracking up here.  

Funnier to me cause I'm not a wife I guess.



Apr 5, 2012 - 08:19 pm
lola
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ROFL

Apr 5, 2012 - 09:02 pm
hardzep
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I get home and DW said I never take her out anymore, she wants me to take her somewhere and spend the big bucks.
So I took her to a gas station.

She won't shut up.

What am I doing wrong?

@mm4731

Apr 6, 2012 - 08:26 am
FoFa
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I get home and DW said I never take her out anymore, she wants me to take her somewhere and spend the big bucks.
So I took her to a gas station.

She won't shut up.

What am I doing wrong?

@mm4731


@FoFa: Tell her you got a big raise at work then give her your credit card and tell to go buy some nice things for herself, once she leaves report card stolen
 
5 to 10 days of silence (depending on the booking speed & judge)




Apr 6, 2012 - 08:47 am
mm4731
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So I get up this morning, go out into the other room and the wife is up (before the crack of noon no less).
I say, Hey girl! You wanna go out?
The wife says, "Sure thing, we haven't been out in so long, and gas stations don't count!"
I look over at her and say "I'm talking to the dogs."

Man she still won't shut up.

What am I doing wrong?

@mm4731

Apr 6, 2012 - 09:55 am
FoFa
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These hypothetical wives would all be widows

Apr 6, 2012 - 10:03 am
BooBear
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