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Medicine for Safety44

Medicine for Safety44

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by: deltadawn Active Indicator LED Icon 8 OP 
~ 7 years ago   Jun 23, '16 11:02am  
Please join me in sharing jokes for @Safety44, as they say laughter is the best medicine. We can let him know how much we want him to get well. Three pigs go out to dinner. The waiter comes by, introduces himself and asks if he can get them anything to drink while they look over the menu. The first pig says, "I'll have a glass of the house red."The second pig says "I'd like an iced tea with extra lemon."The third pig says "Beer! Lots and lots of beer."Waiter comes back with the drinks and asks what they would like to order. The first pig says "I'll have the sirloin steak, medium rare, broccoli with cheese sauce, and baked potato with sour cream." The second pig says "I'd like the Cobb salad with light Italian dressing on the side."the third pig says, "Bring me beer, lots and lots of beer!" The pigs enjoy their meal and the waiter returns and asks if they would care for any dessert. The first pig says "Yes, bring me the apple pie with two scoops of vanilla ice cream." The second pig says "I would like the lemon sorbet, please." The third pig says, "Bring me another beer!" The waiter returns with their orders, and the pigs tuck in. When they have finished, the waiter returns to ask if they would care for anything else, and the first pig says no for all them and asks for the check. They pay the bill and as they are walking out the waiter approaches the third pig and says, "I'm sorry my curiosity has gotten the better of me, would you tell me why you only asked for beer?" The pig says, "Someone has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home. 4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator
~ 7 years ago   Jun 23, '16 11:04am  
From the title, I thought we were doing a Smokey and the Bandit and smuggling meds to him. I was so looking forward to driving the Trans Am. 4951
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deltadawn Active Indicator LED Icon 8 OP 
~ 7 years ago   Jun 23, '16 11:07am  
smuggling meds to him
 
@donnatella: That would work too, but don't have a Trans Am, or a CB.
4951
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Txbutterfly Active Indicator LED Icon 12
~ 7 years ago   Jun 23, '16 11:20am  
**Two blondes walk into a bar....you would think one would of seen it!**My boss told me "have a good day" , so I went home.**Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time.Julie: "I should warn you, Ted: I've got acute angina."Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either." ***A guy goes to see a doctor who asks him, "What seems to be the matter?"   The patient answers, "You have to promise not to laugh." The doctor nods, and the patient pulls down his pants and reveals a very small penis. Holding back laughter, the doctor managed to ask, "What's the problem?" The patient replied, "It's swollen." 4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator
~ 7 years ago   Jun 23, '16 11:25am  

- - - - - - - -
>> smuggling meds to him
 
@donnatella: That would work too, but don't have a Trans Am, or a CB.
 
@deltadawn: We could find them.
4951
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Annie Active Indicator LED Icon 18
~ 7 years ago   Jun 23, '16 11:58am  
Found this one from Readers Digest.
 

Imagine my surprise when I went to Tipler Army Medical Center for a heart bypass operation and discovered my surgeon’s name was Dr. Eror.
 
"What a name for a doctor," I said, not sure whether to laugh or cry.
 
"Yeah," he agreed. "You can imagine the reaction I got when I was a Major."
 
4951
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deltadawn Active Indicator LED Icon 8 OP 
~ 7 years ago   Jun 23, '16 12:22pm  
What happens when a frog's car breaks down? ...........................It gets toad. 4951
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AuthorMan Active Indicator LED Icon 17
~ 7 years ago   Jun 23, '16 4:55pm  
Old fella goes to see his doctor, but the doc is not in that day. Nurse says he can see another doctor and he says 'fine'.In the examination room, a female doctor enters. The old fart tells her he would rather see a male doctor. She tells him that she has seen it all, not to worry. this argument happens 5 times and the old guy finally relents.The female doctor asks the old guy what his problem is:Well, doc, my wife told me a couple of days ago that my whacker tastes funny. 4951
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herron1345 Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 7 years ago   Jun 23, '16 7:56pm  
“A phone survey found 70 percent of Americans support legalizing marijuana. I can’t believe that many marijuana supporters managed to answer the phone.” –Craig Ferguson"A new report claims that William Shakespeare was a marijuana user and may have been high when he wrote some of his plays. Which explains that one line: 'To be, or not to be . . . Wait, what was the question?'" –Jimmy FallonQ: What does a mermaid smoke? A: Seaweed.Q: How do sharks get high? A: Reefer
 
We miss you, @Safety44  ...... 4951
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deltadawn Active Indicator LED Icon 8 OP 
~ 7 years ago   Jun 23, '16 9:55pm  
Hey @Safety44Q. Why do the French like to eat snails so much?A. They can’t stand fast
food. 4951
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Ann2800 Active Indicator LED Icon 12
~ 7 years ago   Jun 24, '16 1:50am  
@Safety44 Jack goes to his friend Mike and says ...
"I'm sleeping with the minister’s wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after church for me?”
The friend doesn’t like it but, being a friend, he agrees.
After church, he starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the Minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he’s really up to …
Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the Minister …
"My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.”
The Minister smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike’s shoulder and says ...
“You had better hurry home yourself, now! My wife died a year ago.” 4951
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Ann2800 Active Indicator LED Icon 12
~ 7 years ago   Jun 24, '16 1:51am  
@Safety44 Jack goes to his friend Mike and says ...
"I'm sleeping with the minister’s wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after church for me?”
The friend doesn’t like it but, being a friend, he agrees.
After church, he starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the Minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he’s really up to …
Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the Minister …
"My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.”
The Minister smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike’s shoulder and says ...
“You had better hurry home yourself, now! My wife died a year ago.” 4951
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Annie Active Indicator LED Icon 18
~ 7 years ago   Jun 24, '16 9:42am  
Another goodie from Readers Digest
 
My Son’s #1 Concern
 
When my three-year-old was told 
to pee in a cup at the doctor’s office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With 
a shaking voice, he asked, “Do I have to drink it?”
 
Janet Frenyea, Walkersville, Maryland
 
4951
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Charmed Active Indicator LED Icon  New Member
~ 7 years ago   Jun 24, '16 9:45am  
4951
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sweetie Active Indicator LED Icon 11 Forum Moderator
~ 7 years ago   Jun 24, '16 10:13am  
A chicken and egg were in bed having sex. When they were done, the egg sat on side of the bed and lit a cigarette and said " well I guess that answers that age old question". 4951
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deltadawn Active Indicator LED Icon 8 OP 
~ 7 years ago   Jun 24, '16 11:47am  
Here is another for you @Safety44Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a
young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology,
"And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies,
"In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five
weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company
matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased
every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and
says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you
started it." 4951
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