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It's time to take the smart phone away...

It's time to take the smart phone away...

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by: donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator  OP 
~ 8 years ago   Feb 8, '16 2:44pm  
My MIL has early stages of Alzheimer's, early as in she is aware she has it and is playing it up to the hilt to get away with anything she wants, where before, people would call her out on her BS.  Every few weeks she butt-dials me and leaves a long voicemail. message of nothing, where she doesn't realized she's even called.  I can here her breathing, or chattering in the background with someone else.  The voicemails are usually anywhere from 2-5 minutes.  I guess my name is the first entry under the family name, so I'm the one that gets the hit.  I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I think the time has come for someone to switch out her phone, away from the touch screen smart phone, which she never fully understood anyway, to one of those senior phones, with the big buttons that you have to intentionally dial, that will only make and receive calls.  It's like letting a first time driver get behind the wheel of a big muscle car that is just too much for them to handle. Otherwise, next time we are over there, I am deleting my name and numbers from her phone.  Unless she has forgotten, I am the one labeled the black sheep of the family, she has never liked me, so it isn't like we are BFFs anyway.  4951
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foxymama Active Indicator LED Icon 14
~ 8 years ago   Feb 8, '16 3:25pm  
That "senior" phone sounds like a good idea even without the butt dials.  The farther along she gets the harder that smart phone will be to call someone in an emergency.   Maybe one of her favorite kids can convince her to switch or give it to her for Valentines, Easter or Mothers day.   4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator  OP 
~ 8 years ago   Feb 8, '16 3:27pm  
That "senior" phone sounds like a good idea even without the butt dials.  The farther along she gets the harder that smart phone will be to call someone in an emergency.   Maybe one of her favorite kids can convince her to switch or give it to her for Valentines, Easter or Mothers day.  
 
@foxymama:  She will play favorites until the bitter end, and that's a fact.
4951
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Safety44 Active Indicator LED Icon 5
~ 8 years ago   Feb 8, '16 3:59pm  
A smart phone may not solve your problems.
 
My mother has dementia and remember her own name or where she is half the time. She can't hear and can't see either.
 
But ask her a phone number of someone she hasn't seen in ten years and she will spit it right out.
 
Let her go to the hospital or have a problem and she will have people call my younger sister and tell NOT to call me because I'm in Missouri. Duh, my sister lives in Missouri all the time and hasn't been to see my mom in three years.
 
Go figure. I chalk it all up to being old and also being a mother. I just pray it has more to do with being a mother, because she's only 16 years older than me!
8-) 4951
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Nicole4647 Active Indicator LED Icon 2
~ 8 years ago   Feb 8, '16 8:49pm  
Working at Verizon with a good amount of well seasoned customers I see it is very popular to have a flip phone and a tablet. This way if there is an emergency she will know how to use the phone but she can also still play games on the tablet. I also have some customers who's husband or wife has some type of mental illness get a GizmoPal or kids phone for them to use. If you were my customer I would just get a flip phone for her. Verizon has the Samsung Haven or Knack that has nice big buttons, no Bluetooth or camera but you have to buy it on ebay because it was discontinued a few years ago. 4951
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Maisey1 Active Indicator LED Icon 9
~ 8 years ago   Feb 8, '16 9:12pm  
I would proceed with caution! People with dementia and Alzheimer's might not know who their family members are or where they live anymore, but they sure know when someone is trying to take something important (like their car keys) away and are likely to put up a fight. If you don't think she will notice immediately just delete your contact info, and if she says anything tell her- I don't know how that happened, you just called me yesterday, what did you do to your phone - she'll never know what really happened. 4951
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BooBear Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 8 years ago   Feb 8, '16 9:17pm  
I butt dial people all the time. I hope no one tries to take away my phone...ill fight.
 
Why not just set you phone to automatically go to voicemail when she calls or block her number then delete the voicemail she may inadvertently leave. 4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator  OP 
~ 8 years ago   Feb 8, '16 9:46pm  
I butt dial people all the time. I hope no one tries to take away my phone...ill fight.
 
Why not just set you phone to automatically go to voicemail when she calls or block her number then delete the voicemail she may inadvertently leave.
 
@BooBear: Good idea. I blocked her and man, was that fun!!! 4951
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Brat Active Indicator LED Icon 15
~ 8 years ago   Feb 8, '16 10:19pm  
@donnatellaOnly you know you peeps. Do as you must, but do so to protect safety on this issue. I currently have have employee with FLTD (a former high level executive no less). He's my best challenge so far and is doing awesome! Had to do some research on the issue, and it was well worth it. Just make sure your ducks are in a row. Emoticon 4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator  OP 
~ 8 years ago   Feb 9, '16 2:48am  
@donnatellaOnly you know you peeps. Do as you must, but do so to protect safety on this issue. I currently have have employee with FLTD (a former high level executive no less). He's my best challenge so far and is doing awesome! Had to do some research on the issue, and it was well worth it. Just make sure your ducks are in a row. Emoticon
 
@Brat: Thanks, I just blocked her. Her calls come in the middle of the day when I'm at work. I'm also the one in the family that works the farthest away, so in an emergency (1) she would call her favorite son anyway and (2) there are six other adult "kids and spouses" that can get there quicker. Swapping out her phone is for my FIL and her 3 boys to do. Blocking her takes it out of my hands and punts it to the others.
4951
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Safety44 Active Indicator LED Icon 5
~ 8 years ago   Feb 9, '16 5:52am  
[quote-tag-mismatch]I would proceed with caution! People with dementia and Alzheimer's might not know who their family members are or where they live anymore, but they sure know when someone is trying to take something important (like their car keys) away and are likely to put up a fight...
 
@Maisey1: Thank you for understanding and offering advice. It seems we all have experienced old age with loved ones and will hopefully grow old gracefully ourselfs.
 
It's hard to deal with such a problem because you never know when the call may be very important, even life threatening.
 
Also, I understand nurses and staff at senior homes and hospitals must carry a terrific load just trying to understand what to do when circumstances get crazy. I pray God gives me the strength to continue to realize they are also only human and don't always do what I think should be done. 4951
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CBP210 Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 8 years ago   Feb 9, '16 7:25am  

- - - - - - - -
>> @donnatellaOnly you know you peeps. Do as you must, but do so to protect safety on this issue. I currently have have employee with FLTD (a former high level executive no less). He's my best challenge so far and is doing awesome! Had to do some research on the issue, and it was well worth it. Just make sure your ducks are in a row. Emoticon
 
@Brat: Thanks, I just blocked her. Her calls come in the middle of the day when I'm at work. I'm also the one in the family that works the farthest away, so in an emergency (1) she would call her favorite son anyway and (2) there are six other adult "kids and spouses" that can get there quicker. Swapping out her phone is for my FIL and her 3 boys to do. Blocking her takes it out of my hands and punts it to the others.
 
@donnatella: good luck with that issue.
4951
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koocachoo Active Indicator LED Icon
~ 8 years ago   Feb 9, '16 8:50am  
Getting older is isolating. Having dementia is terrifying . A smart phone can have find a friend on it so you can locate her when she progresses into more advanced stages of this disease. She can GPS on it to find her way back from a walk. And gosh forbid she gets hurt in public and doesn't remember a family members name, a stranger can help her locate family in a ackward, scary moment.. Set your boundaries for sure, but go forward with compassion. 4951
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BooBear Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 8 years ago   Feb 9, '16 8:55am  
Dont most phones now have an ICE designation for emergencies? If not specifically you should have who you would want contacted in an emergency identified. I doubt that @Donnatella 's MIL would want her to be the first family member on the scene of an emergency. 4951
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koocachoo Active Indicator LED Icon
~ 8 years ago   Feb 9, '16 9:52am  
They do have many emergency apts.. and she's calling her already, she'd be the first number they'd see and ring. 4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator  OP 
~ 8 years ago   Feb 9, '16 10:00am  
Getting older is isolating. Having dementia is terrifying . A smart phone can have find a friend on it so you can locate her when she progresses into more advanced stages of this disease. She can GPS on it to find her way back from a walk. And gosh forbid she gets hurt in public and doesn't remember a family members name, a stranger can help her locate family in a ackward, scary moment.. Set your boundaries for sure, but go forward with compassion.
 
@koocachoo: All good points, however... This is not my mom, this is my MIL.  She has three sons and three DILs and a semi-retired husbandShe has a favorite son and DIL and DH and I are not the chosen ones. She doesn't like anyone that does not praise her as the all knowing matriarch of the family. I am independent, think for myself and do not need her counsel.  I live my own life and so does DH.She has always considered me the blacksheep of the family.She does not call me to chat.We are in no way close.  We tolerate each other on holidays and at family gatherings. She only calls me more because my name is first in the family contacts on her phone. So, having her blocked is not isolating her, leaving her out in the cold, or endangering her in any way shape or form.  Compassion has never been part of her vocabulary, so she won't miss it when she doesn't get much from me.  I do appreciate your insights but she and I just don't have that type of relationship. 
4951
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