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friends and life

friends and life

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by: MetalDad82 Active Indicator LED Icon  OP  New Member
~ 8 years ago   Jan 22, '16 12:39pm  
So in the past few years i have weeded out all of my socalled friends. So now i pretty much have no real friends. Seems the ones i decided to keep are always busy and as everybody knows its not good to be around your significant other all the time. I love her to death and she is the most awesome woman i could have ever wished for but i still need friends of my own to hang out with. Not really into going to bars and hanging out, plus its not the best place to meet anyone. I like going to live music but kinda refuse to go alone. Kinda like going out to eat. Its about the same. So i was trying to find a way to meet some real decent people to hang out with. I love to work on and ride motorcycles but recently had to sell mine due to some financial issues. Working on getting another one. So if any of you have suggestions i would love to hear them. Im sick of always being bored or just sitting at the house when my woman is away cause i cant find anyone to hang with or anything to do. 4951
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deltadawn Active Indicator LED Icon 8
~ 8 years ago   Jan 22, '16 12:59pm  
Try going to the library and researching ways to help your self & your family while you are out of work, or starting some plants indoors to plant in the spring, growing your own food is empowering. Have a game night at your place, you do the cleaning and prep work so your wife can do her own thing, you don't have to play for money, A table or two, some popcorn, maybe one of your friends would be willing to bring over a six pack. 4951
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fcabanski Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 8 years ago   Jan 22, '16 1:21pm  
You can meet new friends at a new job, 4951
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Retired_Engineer Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 8 years ago   Jan 22, '16 1:42pm  
@MetalDad82:   I definitely relate to your situation.  Over my career, I developed a great many friends.  However, being in the oil business, either they or I were often transferred to different locations.  When I developed health issues (PTSD and depression), the "friends" I had at my last location all seemed to disappear and be busy.  I became isolated and somewhat agoraphobic.  While I got the treatment and help I needed, it is still difficult for me to leave the house and meet people.  I still had/have friends but they are scattered all over the country.I joined this Forum to at least get some contact with other people.  I will always be grateful to @yankeejessica and @BooBear.  Jessica held a cookie exchange several years ago and I forced myself to go (with my wife).   I thank BooBear for taking the lead in engaging me in conversation and then others joined in.  Since then, my wife and I have attended several KDC meetups.  I've met numerous KDC members and consider them good friends.  Even many of the KDC members I've never actually met face-to-face are friends.  The thing I now miss the most is having a buddy/buddies to hang out with and to do things with.  I agree about spending too much time with the wife (or husband).  We've been married 39 years and being together 24/7 is not good.  She's a wonderful woman but we I will send you a PM.  Maybe we can get together for lunch one day and get to know each other. 4951
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foxymama Active Indicator LED Icon 14
~ 8 years ago   Jan 22, '16 1:47pm  
My husband made some good friends by joining a bowling league.  4951
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Fallon Active Indicator LED Icon 18
~ 8 years ago   Jan 22, '16 1:51pm  
Removed By Request 4951
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sooner34 Active Indicator LED Icon 2
~ 8 years ago   Jan 22, '16 1:52pm  
Who has time for friends? 4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator
~ 8 years ago   Jan 22, '16 1:57pm  
Who has time for friends?
 
@sooner34:  nice
4951
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soxs mom Active Indicator LED Icon 3
~ 8 years ago   Jan 22, '16 1:59pm  
I think friendships go through passages and it is hard to extend yourself when you have gotten used to being more reclusive. I have gone through some big life changes that have really made me just want to stay home and cocoon.  When I was working I didn't have to put forth any effort to have friends, they just came naturally through work contacts. Now that I'm retired, I realize that i have to extend myself a little more if I want to have relationships.The problem for me is that I don't really care that much to make new friends. I used to go out all the time but now I am happy to just be around family. But I don't think that is very healthy and I am trying to rectify that. For me, just posting on this forum was a first step to some kind of social contact. My next goal is to try to seek some kind of volunteer work which would be rewarding, get me out of the house and also help me make some new social contacts. 4951
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bubbleyes72 Active Indicator LED Icon 18
~ 8 years ago   Jan 22, '16 2:01pm  
Who has time for friends?
 
@sooner34:
 
I'm a firm believer that you should always make time for friends, you just never know what they maybe going through, even if to you everything appears to be going fine for them...
 
4951
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sooner34 Active Indicator LED Icon 2
~ 8 years ago   Jan 22, '16 2:23pm  
Don't get me wrong, I wish I had more time for my buddies. Most people in my circle are all in the same boat as me with careers, kids, ect. It's all part of being a responsible grown up I guess. 4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator
~ 8 years ago   Jan 22, '16 2:26pm  
Don't get me wrong, I wish I had more time for my buddies. Most people in my circle are all in the same boat as me with careers, kids, ect. I guess it's part of being a grown up.
 
@sooner34:  That's not the only definition of being a grown up.  You have to find, even a small amount of time, for fun.  It might not be the perfect work/life balance that you want, but it's something.  Many people are over-scheduled these days.  Even if it's a couple of hours once or twice a month, you have to find time for yourself to enjoy life and friends, etc., even if you have to invite them to your place for a few beers on the patio by the firepit, or something.  It doesn't have to be a big "to do". 
4951
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JeepHair Active Indicator LED Icon 1
~ 8 years ago   Jan 22, '16 2:33pm  
Friendships are so much more complex as an adult, I think.  In college, and even for a while in my 20s, I had friends that I would see every day, really.  We'd just show up at each others' place.  If we didn't have anything to do, we were probably doing it together.  There was no scheduling, no plans, and no pressure if you WERE busy.  We weren't MAKING time for each other - it just happened.   Some of the best times I had were just hanging around watching MTV in our sweatpants.  [sidenote: I really miss MTV.]Adulting makes all of that so much harder.  You have to work to maintain your friendships, you have to find time in your busy schedules with jobs and kids and spouses and other responsibilities and when you find that time, it's always got to be a PLAN and it feels awkward, to me, to make formal plans with a friend to go to a movie, or shopping, or whatever.  I suck at making those kinds of plans with people, so I almost never do it.  I miss the ease of spending lazy leisure time with my besties the way we used to.  My very best friend lives an hour away and has young kids and we never just pop over to hang out for no reason.   4951
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CBP210 Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 8 years ago   Jan 22, '16 2:46pm  
I still manage to hold on to all my friends as I have friends in many States and in other countries. Even though I do not attend social gatherings with them like I used to when I do meet up with them we make the best of it. This is funny as I just got off the email with one of my best friend in California. I work in the field where you are friends for life. 4951
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beastmode Active Indicator LED Icon 12
~ 8 years ago   Jan 22, '16 2:59pm  
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yankeejessica Active Indicator LED Icon 12
~ 8 years ago   Jan 22, '16 6:28pm  
@MetalDad82:   I definitely relate to your situation.  Over my career, I developed a great many friends.  However, being in the oil business, either they or I were often transferred to different locations.  When I developed health issues (PTSD and depression), the "friends" I had at my last location all seemed to disappear and be busy.  I became isolated and somewhat agoraphobic.  While I got the treatment and help I needed, it is still difficult for me to leave the house and meet people.  I still had/have friends but they are scattered all over the country.I joined this Forum to at least get some contact with other people.  I will always be grateful to @yankeejessica and @BooBear.  Jessica held a cookie exchange several years ago and I forced myself to go (with my wife).   I thank BooBear for taking the lead in engaging me in conversation and then others joined in.  Since then, my wife and I have attended several KDC meetups.  I've met numerous KDC members and consider them good friends.  Even many of the KDC members I've never actually met face-to-face are friends.  The thing I now miss the most is having a buddy/buddies to hang out with and to do things with.  I agree about spending too much time with the wife (or husband).  We've been married 39 years and being together 24/7 is not good.  She's a wonderful woman but we I will send you a PM.  Maybe we can get together for lunch one day and get to know each other.
 
@Retired_Engineer:
 
OK this December I promise a cookie exchange again!!! 4951
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