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Stay at Home Moms/Wives

Stay at Home Moms/Wives

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by: bubbleyes72 Active Indicator LED Icon 18 OP 
~ 8 years ago   Oct 27, '15 10:52am  
Since you don't support the family outside the house and we know your job is just as important as the husband, how often do you treat yourself to something "very" nice? And if so, do you run the amount by him first or do you just do it.
 I've often wondered if this could be an issue with some wives since they're not contributing monetary. Do you feel like you have to ask or do you feel like you can since you are the one who holds down the fort. 4951
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Ducatisti Active Indicator LED Icon 8
~ 8 years ago   Oct 27, '15 11:13am  
Hubby & I always had a 'threshold' amount that we would check with the other person before spending. Same amount for both of us and pretty much just to keep ourselves honest & not strain the budget or accidentally bounce anything. Beyond that, it's more likely that if I check first, it's because I need childcare or something like that. He's never made me feel I didn't 'contribute'. 4951
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alecktra Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 8 years ago   Oct 27, '15 11:29am  
I was exclusively stay-at-home until DD turned 18 mos. old, at which point I got a part-time job.  With 2 kiddos now, I am only working 2 days/week, and lean more to the stay-at-home mom subscription.  I don't  treat myself to anything "very" nice that often, if at all.  DH is really good about getting me something really nice at my birthday and/or Christmas.  I appreciate his hard work, and am glad that I can be at home most days to raise the kids... Being that he's the breadwinner, I do ask when I want something with a big price-tag.  He has graciously never turned me down.  But, honestly, we both have a mutual respect when it comes to purchasing an expensive item...  We're both Dave Ramsey fans, and have similar feelings about money.  Even though I do contribute to our income part-time, I do sometimes feel guilty if I buy myself a new pair of shoes or clothes.  I had a great job before the kids were born, so I was able to help out substantially back then.  In a couple more years (or less), I will return to work full-time. 4951
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bubbleyes72 Active Indicator LED Icon 18 OP 
~ 8 years ago   Oct 27, '15 11:37am  
I was exclusively stay-at-home until DD turned 18 mos. old, at which point I got a part-time job.  With 2 kiddos now, I am only working 2 days/week, and lean more to the stay-at-home mom subscription.  I don't  treat myself to anything "very" nice that often, if at all.  DH is really good about getting me something really nice at my birthday and/or Christmas.  I appreciate his hard work, and am glad that I can be at home most days to raise the kids... Being that he's the breadwinner, I do ask when I want something with a big price-tag.  He has graciously never turned me down.  But, honestly, we both have a mutual respect when it comes to purchasing an expensive item...  We're both Dave Ramsey fans, and have similar feelings about money.  Even though I do contribute to our income part-time, I do sometimes feel guilty if I buy myself a new pair of shoes or clothes.  I had a great job before the kids were born, so I was able to help out substantially back then.  In a couple more years (or less), I will return to work full-time.
@alecktra:
Thanks, that seems reasonable, I too like Dave Ramsey. 4951
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OneHappyMrs Active Indicator LED Icon
~ 8 years ago   Oct 27, '15 11:46am  
I think it definitely depends on the relationship you have with hubby. I worked full time before we got married and even left a well paying job to move here when we were dating. But hubby has always been open and supportive with anything money related. He started looping me in on finances and big purchases before we got married knowing they would affect me when we did. He's never made me feel like it's his money and not ours. Since neither one of us are ones for spending on ourselves anyways, I often have to talk him into the few purchases he wants to make for himself. But since I basically manage the house and finances now and left work for full time volunteer work, everything is a mutual decision. And we do the cap thing too, anything over X dollar amount is definitely discussed. So when either of us want something, as long as it's in the budget, we treat ourselves to things. He's wonderful because he wants to make me happy.
However, my best friend is also a housewife and though takes care of a lot and is quite thrifty, I know she doesn't feel the freedom of "our" money. She feels guilty for the things that she wants and they're not many. I'm not sure her hubby has made it that way, but I don't think he does anything to alleviate that feeling for her.
So just talk it out and see what you're both comfortable with. Communication and maybe a little compromise can be key. 4951
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djchavez0921 Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 8 years ago   Oct 27, '15 12:47pm  
Since you don't support the family outside the house and we know your job is just as important as the husband, how often do you treat yourself to something "very" nice? And if so, do you run the amount by him first or do you just do it.
 I've often wondered if this could be an issue with some wives since they're not contributing monetary. Do you feel like you have to ask or do you feel like you can since you are the one who holds down the fort.
 
@bubbleyes72: I like the premise of your question but don't agree with your "not contributing monetarily" comment.  I too am a DR fan/follower and I agree with his comments (when talking about life insurance) that it costs quite a bit of money to replace all of your stay-at-home-mom responsibilities (if you were to die); so in that regard, you ARE "contributing monetarily" to the household.  I don't think you should have to "ask" to purchase something for yourself, but if y'all are on the same page financially, and working the household budget and finances as a team, then I would think there would certainly have to be a conversation taking place before said item was purchased, just so both parties remain on the same financial page/plan.  Just my two cents.
4951
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Burnsway Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 8 years ago   Oct 27, '15 1:27pm  
I can do whatever I want whenever I want with the checking account. I do all the budgeting. But I better have a damn good reason bills cant be paid if I gotta go to him and say uh oh honey.....LOL 4951
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Fallon Active Indicator LED Icon 18
~ 8 years ago   Oct 27, '15 1:28pm  
Removed By Request 4951
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Jpgurl Active Indicator LED Icon 18
~ 8 years ago   Oct 27, '15 1:30pm  

- - - - - - - -
>> Since you don't support the family outside the house and we know your job is just as important as the husband, how often do you treat yourself to something "very" nice? And if so, do you run the amount by him first or do you just do it.
 I've often wondered if this could be an issue with some wives since they're not contributing monetary. Do you feel like you have to ask or do you feel like you can since you are the one who holds down the fort.
 
@bubbleyes72: I like the premise of your question but don't agree with your "not contributing monetarily" comment.  I too am a DR fan/follower and I agree with his comments (when talking about life insurance) that it costs quite a bit of money to replace all of your stay-at-home-mom responsibilities (if you were to die); so in that regard, you ARE "contributing monetarily" to the household.  I don't think you should have to "ask" to purchase something for yourself, but if y'all are on the same page financially, and working the household budget and finances as a team, then I would think there would certainly have to be a conversation taking place before said item was purchased, just so both parties remain on the same financial page/plan.  Just my two cents.
 
@djchavez0921: True that- when the kids were little We figured out everything I did and how much hubby would have to pay for those things if I died. For a while there we had a hefty life insurance policy on me. While not bringing in money- even now I save us more staying home than I could make by working. Lawn/pool/painting and home repair and remodeling.
 
As for the original question- I'm pretty practical and don't really buy things I don't need. I'm the book keeper too so I know down to the penny what we have and where it's going to I don't really consult him on most stuff. We talk about big expenditures and where they lie on the priority list. Our newest car is an '05 Jeep with 150,000 miles. Would I like a new car- sure- can we afford it- yes- BUT this one works so why buy a new car. That's pretty much my line of thinking on most stuff.
4951
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Fallon Active Indicator LED Icon 18
~ 8 years ago   Oct 27, '15 1:33pm  
Removed By Request 4951
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bubbleyes72 Active Indicator LED Icon 18 OP 
~ 8 years ago   Oct 27, '15 1:39pm  

- - - - - - - -
>>
Since you don't support the family outside the house and we know your job is just as important as the husband, how often do you treat yourself to something "very" nice? And if so, do you run the amount by him first or do you just do it.
 I've often wondered if this could be an issue with some wives since they're not contributing monetary. Do you feel like you have to ask or do you feel like you can since you are the one who holds down the fort.
@bubbleyes72: I like the premise of your question but don't agree with your "not contributing monetarily" comment.  I too am a DR fan/follower and I agree with his comments (when talking about life insurance) that it costs quite a bit of money to replace all of your stay-at-home-mom responsibilities (if you were to die); so in that regard, you ARE "contributing monetarily" to the household.  I don't think you should have to "ask" to purchase something for yourself, but if y'all are on the same page financially, and working the household budget and finances as a team, then I would think there would certainly have to be a conversation taking place before said item was purchased, just so both parties remain on the same financial page/plan.  Just my two cents.
@djchavez0921: I asked the question based on what was told to me from a stay at home mom, since I have never been one I thought I would ask here to see if the replies would line up to what she said and is going through at the present time.... I hate to apologize for my "not contributing monetarily" comment, since it was in fact presented to me in this way from the source directly. 4951
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bp2018 Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 8 years ago   Oct 27, '15 1:40pm  
I pretty much buy or do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. I manage the finances and all of the household related tasks, so my husband trust me to not spend something that we don't have. Saying that, I still talk with him before I spend any money on non necessities, and he does the exact same with me. We figure we both contribute in our various ways, so it's only right we both get a say in our finances. Even when I was working and actually made more than he did, every purchase was usually discussed amongst the two of us before it was made. Not because we had to, but because we respect each other enough to keep the other filled in. Also, with all the instance of accounts being hit, it's better for us both to be aware of what we each purchase so that we can catch any discrepancies in our bank statements. I don't want to freak out over a purchase he made that I wasn't aware of thinking our account got hit, nor do I want to pass off any purchase I didn't make as his, when it wasn't. 4951
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djchavez0921 Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 8 years ago   Oct 27, '15 1:41pm  

- - - - - - - -
>>
- - - - - - - -
>>
Since you don't support the family outside the house and we know your job is just as important as the husband, how often do you treat yourself to something "very" nice? And if so, do you run the amount by him first or do you just do it.
 I've often wondered if this could be an issue with some wives since they're not contributing monetary. Do you feel like you have to ask or do you feel like you can since you are the one who holds down the fort.
@bubbleyes72: I like the premise of your question but don't agree with your "not contributing monetarily" comment.  I too am a DR fan/follower and I agree with his comments (when talking about life insurance) that it costs quite a bit of money to replace all of your stay-at-home-mom responsibilities (if you were to die); so in that regard, you ARE "contributing monetarily" to the household.  I don't think you should have to "ask" to purchase something for yourself, but if y'all are on the same page financially, and working the household budget and finances as a team, then I would think there would certainly have to be a conversation taking place before said item was purchased, just so both parties remain on the same financial page/plan.  Just my two cents.
@djchavez0921: I asked the question based on what was told to me from a stay at home mom, since I have never been one I thought I would ask here to see if the replies would line up to what she said and is going through at the present time.... I hate to apologize for my "not contributing monetarily" comment, since it was in fact presented to me in this way from the source directly.
 
@bubbleyes72: No apology necessary.  Just a friendly conversation and my answer would have been the same regardless of who it came from.  No worries!
4951
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BBQguy Active Indicator LED Icon 9
~ 8 years ago   Oct 27, '15 3:00pm  
I was a stay-at-home Dad for most of the last 6 years, and there are/were zero circumstances where I'd feel ok with spending a large amount of money on myself just because. Now speaking to the "I don't contribute, so I can't spend..." thing, I can totally see that. It weighed heavy on my mind for a long time, and still does occasionally. I think it's because I'm a guy though?! I was raised around the dad working and the mom staying home. And if the mom did work, it was part-time or at least less monetarily.  4951
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uneasyrider Active Indicator LED Icon 3
~ 8 years ago   Oct 27, '15 3:05pm  
uh oh honey
 
@Burnsway: Nothing good ever comes after those words.
4951
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buffaloglenn Active Indicator LED Icon 11
~ 8 years ago   Oct 27, '15 3:15pm  
I believe all couples should set a cap for themselves on spending of any kind, where they would discuss the purchase prior to going over their cap.  It's just a trigger for a conversation that should happen anyway, and can serve as a reminder to talk.  It doesn't matter if the spender is the worker, stay-at-home person, or if both work.  People need to communicate about things in a relationship, and money is an important factor!If I was an adviser to people considering getting married, I would council them to discuss money, family, and sex.  If they can agree on those three, they've got a shot to make it!  4951
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