My BFF and I were having a discussion over lunch yesterday. We came to the conclusion that there are two different kinds of cheaters.
(Feel free to add a 3rd or 4th kind if you wish.)
The first kind is the one who goes out looking to stray. They have made a decision that they are discontent emotionally or unfulfilled sexually, and they need more. They are the kind who create a profile on AM or place an ad on Craigslist or stop off at the bar on the way home from work.
The second kind isn't looking, isn't thinking about being discontent or about straying. Then along comes a friend in the form of a coworker or someone met in an innocent social setting. They try to fight the attraction and the flirting but they find themselves unable to resist.
We have a mutual friend who was the 2nd kind. She found herself talking to another man through emails and phone calls every day for years before something adulterous inevitably happened. Then her husband found out. And she was remorseful. She broke off contact with the guy and made herself 100% accountable to her husband because she wanted to work it out. And they did. She is now completely faithful and guards herself from those types of friendships with men.
We see that as very different from someone who enjoys the risk, plays the game, seeks out multiple partners... And even after getting caught, if their spouse stays with them, they just find a way to hide it better next time.
We think these two types of cheaters are vastly different, but that society views them the same. And judges them the same, lumping all cheaters into the same category.
Granted, I think, as a spouse I would be more jealous of an emotional affair than a physical one, but that's just me.
Do you see a difference? If it were your spouse, would you be more forgiving of one over the other? Or would you forgive neither? 4951