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Some Gross Things

Some Gross Things

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by: FoFa Active Indicator LED Icon 17 OP 
~ 8 years ago   Jun 26, '15 10:34am  
True to their classification as an intestinal parasite, pinworms live in your intestines.Our story begins with Momma Pinworm, who has achieved a comfortable life in your lower intestine. Think of it in terms of the American Dream -- cute little suburban house, white picket fence, all that jazz -- except in this instance, the dream is poo. Entirely poo. Anyway, one day Momma Pinworm decides it's damn well time to live up to her name. So she waits until you're fast asleep, and she wriggles her way out of the only front door she knows: your backdoor. There, where the cooler temperatures are perfect to ensure her eggs' survival, she plops said eggs all over the puckered landscape of your anus before retreating to her warm, smelly lair. She'll repeat this process night after night until her life's goal is complete -- namely, squirting out as many as 16,000 young 'uns.And now, for the piece de resistance of the pinworm life cycle! See, pinworms are the most prolific worm infection in the USA, and in order to uphold an impressive record like that, all those eggs must get from your butthole into some other poor sod's digestive tract. How do they manage to pull off this Loki-level trickery? Well, we'll simply point out that the combination of the jelly sack surrounding the eggs and Momma Pinworm's incessant writhing plagues the sufferer with an unbearable case of butt itch.We're sure your imagination can fill in the rest, but just in case, here's a handy illustration (it's got arrows and everything!):Loading Image... 4951
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radiogirl30 Active Indicator LED Icon 3
~ 8 years ago   Jun 26, '15 10:36am  
I am never touching anyone again! 4951
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FoFa Active Indicator LED Icon 17 OP 
~ 8 years ago   Jun 26, '15 10:38am  
The kissing bug -- because seriously, how bad could that be? It's called the kissing bug, for crying out loud! That's damn adorable!How bad could something called a kissing bug be? Well, to demonstrate, let's follow one -- we'll call him Don Guano, for reasons that will become disturbingly apparent -- through his nightly routine. It all starts when small Don is attracted to the light given off by your house. Once he sneaks inside like some six-legged mini-stalker, your stank breath (don't worry, mouthwash won't help) attracts him to the one part of your sleeping body that tends to stay above the bedcovers: your face. That's when Don locks on with a -- frankly, overzealous -- French kiss and feeds on the blood from your tender, tender lips.You see, Don's physiology gives him a sort of perpetual case of irritable bowel syndrome -- as soon as he eats, he gots to go, son. Now, pop quiz! Where does he eat? Correct, on your lips. So where does he proceed to drop a big ol' bug-deuce? Yep. Hope you're not a mouth breather.But wait, it gets even worse! Said bug poop also spreads the parasite responsible for Chagas disease, a tropical ailment lethal enough to have been dubbed the "new AIDS." Also, "tropical ailment" is now a bit of a misnomer, seeing as how kissing bugs have proliferated throughout the Southern United States and infected over 300,000 Americans with the disease. Sleep tight, Southerners!Loading Image... 4951
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FoFa Active Indicator LED Icon 17 OP 
~ 8 years ago   Jun 26, '15 10:41am  
We're going to tell you about something that cockroaches do while you're fast asleep, and we don't mean in your nightmares. We're not even going to try to come up with a catchy character this time because, again, cockroaches. Instead we shall call them Legion, for they are many. They are truly the unpickiest of eaters, and as such they have no qualms whatsoever about chowing down on the fingernails, foot skin, and eyelids of napping humans.Now, to be fair, cockroaches generally only sway from their strict "garbage, crap, garbage, dead stuff, and more garbage" diet in cases of extreme infestations, or when the colony is unusually isolated -- such as on board a ship. Sailors enduring such infestations have been known to sleep with gloves on so the cockroaches can't nibble on their fingers. So consider this your public service announcement against booking your next vacation on that "bargain" cruise line your stingy aunt recommended. We hear their midnight buffet is not all it's cracked up to be.Loading Image... 4951
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Retired_Engineer Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 8 years ago   Jun 26, '15 10:53am  
@FoFa:     Emoticon     Emoticon     Emoticon     Emoticon 4951
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sweetie Active Indicator LED Icon 11 Forum Moderator
~ 8 years ago   Jun 26, '15 10:55am  
R E, I totally agree. Lol 4951
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