Dear %#�@$:5!,
We regret we will be unable to attend -redacted-'s birthday celebration. We will be washing the dog that day and changing his personalized dog collar that day. We will be unable to send gifts until your child is at least 13 years old because we are spending all our money on gluten-free, non-gmo, locally sourced organic food for our dog. We hope you and your illiterate, nameless child have a super-fun day!
Sincerely,
Auntie Babs 4951