****** 23 ADULT
TRUTHS****** 1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch
3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment
during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times
I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a
sarcasm font. 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted
sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start
their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my
neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more
interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember
the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired. 10. Bad decisions make
good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike,
but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren't going
to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore
whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don't want to have to restart my
collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when
I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my
ten-page technical report that I
swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone
numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 15. I
think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I
would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with
Miller Light than
Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an
"Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 18. I have a hard time deciphering the
fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to
say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't
hear or understand a word they
said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie
when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the
front. Stay strong, brothers and
sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear
gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them
forever.
22. Even under ideal conditions people
have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell
phone, and Pinning the Tail on
the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze
button
from 3 feet away, in about 1.7
seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
23. The first testicular guard, the
"Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.
That means it only took 100 years
for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Life just gets better as you get older
doesn't it?
I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently
when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to
fart. The place was packed but the music was really loud so to get relief and
reduce embarrassment
I timed my farts to the beat of the
music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my
coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me...I suddenly remembered that
I was listening to my Ipod...
and how was your day?
This is what happens when old people
start using technology!
4951