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How to fight a bully

How to fight a bully

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by: JFritc Active Indicator LED Icon  OP  New Member
~ 9 years ago   Mar 11, '15 8:58pm  
I need opinions, please. I have to deal with a person in a social situation that takes every opportunity she can to hurt people. She acted out one too many times and I responded to this bully with an insult and a cuss word (in public). I caught a lot of grief for the way I reacted. It shouldn't, but it bothers me that I was called immature, mean and rude for what I said to her. In my mind, I fought fire with fire and went for the kill on a predator. Should I have "turned the other cheek?" How do you deal with a bully other than fight back? It just bothers me because I lost some friends over this. 4951
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FoFa Active Indicator LED Icon 17
~ 9 years ago   Mar 11, '15 9:24pm  
It just bothers me because I lost some friends over this.
 
@JFritc: So the bully won?
If you let them get under your skin, they win.Stop fuming over they say, and think of humerus comebacks.Turn the tables.But until you get your emotions under control, they will keep using that to their benefit, and you can not effectivly fight them at their own game.  4951
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mm4731 Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 9 years ago   Mar 11, '15 9:25pm  
[ Removed By Request. ] 4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator
~ 9 years ago   Mar 11, '15 9:29pm  
That's very true.  Real, true friends are friends no matter what.  Their support is unconditional.   4951
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ProblemAgain Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 9 years ago   Mar 11, '15 9:35pm  
you don;t have to deal with her. turn and walk away from her. put her on your own personal ignore list and don't talk to her or interact with her. it is your choice who you deal with socially. if she is a flaming ****** and you choose to interact with her, then deal with it. if you mean you have to see her at the same venues, no big deal...ignore her. if she tries to speak, walk away...if you want to make it firm, if she tries to speak , tell her "stop talking. i want nothing to do with you. stay away from me" 4951
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Retired_Engineer Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 9 years ago   Mar 11, '15 9:36pm  
@JFritc:   Never fight an a**hole at their level.  They will drag you down and beat you with experience.  Just take (and keep) the high road now and put it behind you. 
4951
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JFritc Active Indicator LED Icon  OP  New Member
~ 9 years ago   Mar 11, '15 9:40pm  
I am definitely disappointed in myself that I lost my control. I was so mad I saw white hot anger - that's the only way I can describe it. She jumped on a tender-hearted person and I lost it.
 
Now I have to ignore her. That's good advice. I just HATE a bully, though. I think I might be better off to not socialize with that group anymore. Can't decide. 4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator
~ 9 years ago   Mar 11, '15 9:45pm  
I am definitely disappointed in myself that I lost my control. I was so mad I saw white hot anger - that's the only way I can describe it. She jumped on a tender-hearted person and I lost it.
 
Now I have to ignore her. That's good advice. I just HATE a bully, though. I think I might be better off to not socialize with that group anymore. Can't decide.
 
@JFritc: Don't beat yourself up. We all reach a point where we lose our filter (some of more often then others) and shoot our mouths off. Forgive yourself, take a deep breath, regroup and keep going.
4951
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Francita Active Indicator LED Icon 17
~ 9 years ago   Mar 11, '15 9:48pm  
I am definitely disappointed in myself that I lost my control. I was so mad I saw white hot anger - that's the only way I can describe it. She jumped on a tender-hearted person and I lost it.
 
Now I have to ignore her. That's good advice. I just HATE a bully, though. I think I might be better off to not socialize with that group anymore. Can't decide.
 
@JFritc: Sounds like you might be better off not being around them.  A bully and people that support the bullying, not friend worthy, in my honest opinion.  It might hurt in the beginning to kick them all to the curb,  you'll be better off in the long run.  You'll meet other people that better suit your personality.  It sounds like you are upset about this, so at the very least wait a while to have contact, give yourself time to evaluate the best course of action.  Regardless of what you decide, the best of luck to you.  Mean people suck!
4951
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mm4731 Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 9 years ago   Mar 11, '15 10:08pm  
[ Removed By Request. ] 4951
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mm4731 Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 9 years ago   Mar 11, '15 10:08pm  
[ Removed By Request. ] 4951
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Retired_Engineer Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 9 years ago   Mar 11, '15 10:18pm  
I am definitely disappointed in myself that I lost my control. I was so mad I saw white hot anger - that's the only way I can describe it. She jumped on a tender-hearted person and I lost it.
 
Now I have to ignore her. That's good advice. I just HATE a bully, though. I think I might be better off to not socialize with that group anymore. Can't decide.
 
@JFritc:  I hate bullies as well.  I'm not saying you cannot confront a bully, but you must keep your cool and keep the confrontation at a mature level.  I admire you for stepping up for a tender-hearted person that is being bullied.... you just let your emotions and frustrations overwhelm you when you reacted this time. Bullies usually hate being confronted and called out for their actions.... especially when you do it with little emotion and simply point out how their actions are not socially acceptable.
4951
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blueeyedbabe Active Indicator LED Icon
~ 9 years ago   Mar 11, '15 10:32pm  
I can say this..if you just so happen to be a moderator on another social site just tell your room mate to ice them. Lol 4951
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jack1 Active Indicator LED Icon 1
~ 9 years ago   Mar 11, '15 11:31pm  
If it's really serious, you could get a restraining order and/or sue for harassment. If you'd rather take the less dramatic/more reasonable approach, just ignore them. Bullying happens every day, but letting them get a reaction out of you is all they look for. Don't let them win. If you're a minor dealing with this and it is making you depressed, you can call the suicide hotline. If you're an adult, I'd suggest getting help via therapy or just talking with family.  4951
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CBP210 Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 9 years ago   Mar 11, '15 11:34pm  
Right now I am dealing with certain bullies in ADC and sometimes you need to be a better person and not let them get into your skin. Words mean nothing to me as I always grew up with a mindset that "Talk is Cheap". Your best strategy is dismiss them as useless and not important and move on. If you have friends who buy into their crap than they were never your friends in the first place. 4951
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