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How a step parent can adopt

How a step parent can adopt

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by: Okiedokie Active Indicator LED Icon 11 OP 
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 4:38pm  
I am looking for a little advice on how my DH can legally adopt my DD.  Her father has not seen her in 5 years(she is almost 9).  Admittedly, we do not have the $5,000.00 I was quoted by the last lawyer we asked a couple years ago.  We are not even asking that her dad give up all his rights.  We are fine giving up child support and will allow visitation.  We just want my DH to have the final decision when it comes to the child he has been caring for over 5 years.  Edited to add: We are even willing to settle on guardianship over her.  4951
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BooBear Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 4:41pm  
Unless the parent actually gives up those rights, I'm not sure it can be done. The birth father would have to have his rights terminated. There may be an agreement you can get, signed by all, that will do that. 4951
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Okiedokie Active Indicator LED Icon 11 OP 
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 4:50pm  
Unless the parent actually gives up those rights, I'm not sure it can be done. The birth father would have to have his rights terminated. There may be an agreement you can get, signed by all, that will do that.
 
@BooBear: That is the issue-he has not had any contact with her but does not want her last name changed.  He is not willing to budge.  His child support is taken by the state b/c he doesn't pay it on his own.  He has not supplied the court appointed insurance in 5 years.  My DH does not care about name, money, or anything like that-he just wants to be able to take care of her.  Right now, I have signed all waivers for drs, therapists, etc so he can take her to them. We are concerned about him butting in if something happens to me.  At the time of our divorce, he was considered "not willing to support" and she became considered a Texan(if that makes since).  I have in my will that my sister and DH are primary care providers.  We would like to go a step further though. He called at Christmas and she had no idea who she was talking to until I told her.  We do not want o cut him out completely.  We just want my sister and DH to be the deciding factors over her well being.
4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 4:55pm  
Unfortunately, like @BooBear said, unless rights are terminated, the other cannot adopt. You could contact the Houston Bar Association Lawyer Referral Service or Gulf Coast Legal Foundation for discounted or free legal services, but you are also not going to be able to make any of it happen without counsel, both for you and a guardian ad litem (counsel) for the child.
 
4951
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BooBear Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 5:00pm  
And another thing to consider is that unless he agrees upon your death, he will have parental and custodial rights of your daughter. You can't take that away from him in your will. Your sister and dh may end up with a year's long battle in their hands 4951
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Okiedokie Active Indicator LED Icon 11 OP 
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 5:04pm  
And another thing to consider is that unless he agrees upon your death, he will have parental and custodial rights of your daughter. You can't take that away from him in your will. Your sister and dh may end up with a year's long battle in their hands
 
@BooBear: All of my family, DH, parents, and sister are prepared for that.  I have it detailed in my will what I went through.  It is also documented in court records that the judge tried to give him visitation and he refused; giving me final say and making her a citizen of Texas.  We were just hoping there was an easier route. 
4951
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Mahm Active Indicator LED Icon 9
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 5:07pm  
The court offers another option called Joint Managing Conservators. Your DH and your ex could be named as such, with your DH having primary physical custody. Or your DH and your sister could be named as such with your ex having supervised visitation, depending on the circumstances. There are lawyers with smaller retainers than $5000, and I think you will need one. In 2011, I found one who accepted $1200 up front. I made payments during and after. In the state of Texas, the law is so vast and varied, they make it difficult to file anything on your own. I would refer you to her, but she has since moved to Austin. Call around and tell them your situation. Surely someone will work with you. That said, I recommend calling ones in Conroe, as they are more familiar with the Montgomery County judges, and that makes a big difference. 4951
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kelsren Active Indicator LED Icon
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 6:34pm  
In the State of Texas, can you "will" a child to someone? And what about his parents? Do his parents have rights?
 
Also, regardless of his past behavior etc., I'm just not sure there is anything that can be done unless he terminates his rights.
 
Joint Managing Conservators could be an option. Although, I think both parties have to be in agreement with all decision making?
 
If your DH doesn't care about name, money (and not insinuating he does) and ex doesn't want her name changed, what about proceeding with adoption, but keeping ex's last name? I know that sounds crazy, but from what you described, that would meet everyone's goals for the child? How old is the child? 4951
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Burnsway Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 6:39pm  
Abandonment laws maybe???? Have you tried to look into that? 4951
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Burnsway Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 6:41pm  
Another way is more mean but keep hitting him up for more child care and medical care support...take him to court monthly if you have to. Sometimes this makes both the male or female parent thats being a deadbeat either wake up and take parenthood serious or get tired of getting slammed in court financially and give up rights. 4951
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Ashley87 Active Indicator LED Icon
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 10:12pm  
My Husband always talks about wanting me to adopt my step son and how he wants his "mother" completely out of the picture. I really would adopt him if I could..I was always more of a real Mother to him. I am pretty sure the parent would have to agree to it in court. 4951
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