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Jokes

Jokes

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by: Brat Active Indicator LED Icon 15 OP 
~ 9 years ago   Jan 8, '15 8:42pm  
We need a good joke telling thread.A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” The lady thought she misheard what the parrot said and went to work.On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn’t say it again.When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, “Hey lady.”She paused and said, “Yes?”The bird said, "You know!" 4951
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BBQguy Active Indicator LED Icon 9
~ 9 years ago   Jan 8, '15 8:46pm  
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop. 4951
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ProblemAgain Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 9 years ago   Jan 8, '15 9:42pm  
   A couple reaching their 80s are about to get married, but before they say their vows, the woman wanted to talk.    She said: "I want to keep my house."    He said: "That's fine with me."    She said: "I want to keep my Cadillac."    He said: "That's fine with me."    She said: "And I want to have sex 6 times a week."    He said: "Put me down for Fridays." 4951
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Brat Active Indicator LED Icon 15 OP 
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 12:52am  
From an Astronaut.."I'd like to see what's under your Kuiper Belt." 4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 1:04am  
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.  The husband puts, "MyPenis," and the wife falls on the floor laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."   4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 1:14am  
Can you see the the mistake?10   11   12   13   14   15   16   17   18   19   20 Thank if you found it.  Emoticon 4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 1:19am  
Roses are redHere's something newViolets are violet,Not ****ing blue! 4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 1:27am  
Sometimes, when you cry, no one sees your tears...Sometimes, when you are happy, no one sees your smile...But, fart just one time.... 4951
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shodan66 Active Indicator LED Icon 15
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 1:46am  
A man received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown, with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.  The man tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back.  He shook the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, the man put the parrot in the freezer.   For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then suddenly there was quiet. Not a sound for half a minute. The man was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.The parrot calmly stepped out onto the man's extended arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness." The man was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?" 4951
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FoFa Active Indicator LED Icon 17
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 11:38am  
3 females,  brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the most womanly figure?The blonde, because she’s 18. 4951
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CBP210 Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 11:41am  
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.  The husband puts, "MyPenis," and the wife falls on the floor laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."  
 
@donnatella: Okay this made me spit out my soda
4951
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FoFa Active Indicator LED Icon 17
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 11:50am  
Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls?They’re going to call her Old Spice. 4951
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FoFa Active Indicator LED Icon 17
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 11:56am  
Your dog is barking at the back door wanting in,and your wife’s yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in first?The dog, once he’s in, at least he shuts up! 4951
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herron1345 Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 12:25pm  
Hippie Talk...."Let's blow this joint!"Two stoned hippies are walking along an old railway track.
When the first hippie breaks his silence and says, "Wow, like these stairs go on for miles, man."
And the second hippie replies, "Dude.. It's these low *** hand rails that are killing me, man."
 
4951
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Brat Active Indicator LED Icon 15 OP 
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 1:19pm  
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced five husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle. I'm still a virgin."
 
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married five times?"
 
"Well, husband 1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
 
Husband 2 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement and design a new state-of-the-art method.
 
Husband 3 was in marketing. Although he had a very nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
 
Husband 4 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
 
Husband 5 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was.... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
 
"Good," said the new husband, "but why?"
 
"Your a lawyer, this time I know I'm gonna get screwed."
 
Emoticon
4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator
~ 9 years ago   Jan 11, '15 1:24pm  
Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls?They’re going to call her Old Spice.
 
@FoFa: She may be Old Spice but she looks incredible, better than all of them combined. 4951
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