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Rekindling a previous relationship......

Rekindling a previous relationship......

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by: Brat Active Indicator LED Icon 15 OP 
~ 9 years ago   Jan 6, '15 10:21pm  
Thoughts? I feel like I'm in a quagmire with this. I'm also confused. 4951
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BooBear Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 9 years ago   Jan 6, '15 10:23pm  
Why did it end before?..that should tell you what you should do. 4951
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taramay Active Indicator LED Icon 14
~ 9 years ago   Jan 6, '15 10:26pm  
As in a romantic relationship?
 
I'd think about why you split in the first place. If that reason is a non negotiatable for you (cheating, excessive drinking...), it may not be worth trying again. If it was stupid and you regret splitting, I'd suggest a serious conversation about how you plan on doing things differently this time around.
4951
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Heathur Active Indicator LED Icon 12
~ 9 years ago   Jan 6, '15 10:26pm  
What initiated this rouse? Why did it end last time? History? 4951
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SerenityNow Active Indicator LED Icon
~ 9 years ago   Jan 6, '15 10:45pm  
Yes, did it end? 4951
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Elle10 Active Indicator LED Icon 1
~ 9 years ago   Jan 6, '15 10:47pm  
I am of the opinion, and I have seen proof, that all things can be made new.No matter why it ended the first time, if two people work hard they can make any kind of world for themselves that they wish. If one party wronged the other, then obviously that person must work extra hard to build up trust.Doesn't mean it's always worth it, but it's always possible. 4951
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Brat Active Indicator LED Icon 15 OP 
~ 9 years ago   Jan 6, '15 10:48pm  
The relationship ended 7 years ago because I was the one who F'ed up. We barely spoke after the first 5 years, and then with these last 2 years, we talked during the holidays and birthday's. I finally went back to my old house for the first time last October. Ever since then, he's been talking more and more with me. He misses me now like I missed him after we split. Honestly, I still love him as a great friend; but, he wants me back and I don't know... 4951
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Elle10 Active Indicator LED Icon 1
~ 9 years ago   Jan 6, '15 10:50pm  
PS. Brat, dear....if you feel confusion instead of hope or excitement, then you must know there is something way better for you.If you were toyed with, in any way, and this person seems to be saying all the right things now, maybe it's best to stand up for yourself and let it go.I don't know the story or how serious it was previously, but the balls are in your court it sounds like Emoticon 4951
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BooBear Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 9 years ago   Jan 6, '15 10:54pm  
Why did you cheat then? Reasons for breaking up rarely change, even with time. If it wasn't right enough then, then more than likely time has coloredsome things to where you aren't remembering. OR my neighbors were high school sweethearts, he cheated, they broke up and went on with their lives...15 years later they tracked each other down and are now, seemingly, living out their happily ever after. Who knows. Life is a gamble. 4951
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SerenityNow Active Indicator LED Icon
~ 9 years ago   Jan 6, '15 11:02pm  
I personally wouldn't, because if he was really the right guy for you, you wouldn't have messed up. When you meet the right man, you wouldn't even think about another man for a second, because he will outshine everyone else. 4951
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taramay Active Indicator LED Icon 14
~ 9 years ago   Jan 6, '15 11:10pm  
I personally wouldn't, because if he was really the right guy for you, you wouldn't have messed up. When you meet the right man, you wouldn't even think about another man for a second, because he will outshine everyone else.
 
@SerenityNow:
 
That depends though. They may have been young and dumb. DH and I have been together for 9 years. In the first 2 years neither of us was perfect. We loved each other, but we were young and kinda needed to make mistakes to figure out if being in a serious relationship was what we wanted at that time.
 
We never did break up though. 4951
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Retired_Engineer Active Indicator LED Icon 13
~ 9 years ago   Jan 6, '15 11:21pm  
@Brat:  Relationships are far too complicated for me to offer any advice except..... take it slowly and see how you feel.  Friend or something more? 4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator
~ 9 years ago   Jan 6, '15 11:23pm  
@Brat, time for deep soul searching about how you have been feeling without him, what made you F-up in the first place. In general, it's best to move forward and don't look back, but over 7 years, you both may have grown substantially. If you both are single and willing to try, it wouldnt hurt to give it a shot, eyes wide open and cautiously try again. DH and I dated in school, broke up for a few years and got back together, so it does work out.
 
Love you and want you to be happy! 4951
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Mahm Active Indicator LED Icon 9
~ 9 years ago   Jan 7, '15 12:04am  
the balls are in your court it sounds like
 
@Elle10:
 
Plural. Good word choice. Lol!
 
@Brat:
When I watch "What Not to Wear," I notice one piece of advice they give over and over. When someone finds an outfit that really works, and they look at themselves in the mirror, it just feels right. Clinton and Stacy then tell them, "When you are shopping and trying on outfits, never settle for less than what you feel right now."
 
Have you been in a relationship that just felt right? If yes, then don't settle for less. If no, you'll know it when you see it and you won't have to ask for advice.
 
Love you! 4951
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BooBear Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 9 years ago   Jan 7, '15 7:53am  
Why did you cheat then? Reasons for breaking up rarely change, even with time. If it wasn't right enough then, then more than likely time has coloredsome things to where you aren't remembering. OR my neighbors were high school sweethearts, he cheated, they broke up and went on with their lives...15 years later they tracked each other down and are now, seemingly, living out their happily ever after. Who knows. Life is a gamble.
 
@BooBear:
 
@brat
 
My neighbors do seem to be happy BUT his cheating is now a part of their story. They could have just told me how they found each other after years, I wouldn't have known any different but his infidelity is a part. They may think or seem like they have moved past it, maybe they have, but she was very quick to add that part. She obviously hasn't moved as far as I think they think she has. 4951
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lilmama09 Active Indicator LED Icon 2
~ 9 years ago   Jan 7, '15 8:14am  
@Brat: IMO, take some time to think about it. You mentioned that you still love him, but as a great friend... nothing more, I guess? Perhaps y'all should just grab some drinks together and hang out as friends for a little while and see where it goes from there. And maybe if you'll want to continue to something more or if not, imo try to move on.  4951
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