At some point in our lives, we're either one of these people or the poor sad souls stuck behind them. Regardless, here are 7 types of people you don't want to be stuck behind in lines:
The Wrecked Debit Card Holder:
This is the person who has a debit card that looks like a toddler rubbed both sides on the sidewalk and then left it outside to bake in the sun for a week.
The strip now looks like an ink smudge and they know it. It�s as if they hope maybe something will be different this one time. This one time you're behind them in a hurry carrying a 150 lb. basket because you thought you were only going to get "a couple things at Target."
You�ll know immediately you might be in for trouble when the clerk swipes 3 times and nothing happens. The person says loudly looking at you, �I just used it at Home Depot! That�s so weird!�
After 5 more swipes and the clerk incorrectly typing in the number another 3 times, it's finally your turn! But to be honest, it's just not the same. The moment has been ruined.
The Elderly:
Whether I�m waiting for a sample of cheese at Whole Foods or behind an old lady digging around her purse for loose change � one thing�s for certain � old people don�t give a damn. Especially if you�re behind them in a car, in a checkout line or at the Cracker Barrel. Oh, to be old and so carefree!
The elderly have all the time in the world and nothing to lose. They also have no idea how credit or debit cards work and they refuse to learn. What do they care if you�re annoyed it�s taking them 5 minutes just to open their wallet? Get pissy all you want, it won�t make counting nickels go any faster.
Or, even better � they pull out the checkbook and then balance it right in front of you. For many of us, a checkbook is in that box we got when we opened up a checking account and it's collecting dust in our office junk drawer. For an old lady, it�s her everything. They fill out each field with beautiful cursive (a lost art, really), detach the check with slow, deliberate attention, hand it to the clerk and then flip to the back to balance.
Meanwhile, you had to pee 10 minutes ago and your husband is still parked in the fire lane because you were �just going to run in for tampons.�
Extreme Couponers:
While I admit I�ve never been behind the kind of people hoarding 1500 tubs of mayonnaise in their basement, I have been behind someone who whipped out a portfolio filled with coupons and it turned ugly. In my thoughts.
It�s bad enough they stole all the inserts from all the local dailies, but a large portion of their coupons are from 2011 and they keep throwing out phrases like, �Are you sure there isn�t something you can do?�
No, this poor 16 year old can�t honor your expired 50 cent off coupon for Q Tips, now move it along, friend. No, don't page the manager! WHY?!
The Office Runner:
This is the person ordering Subway foot longs for the entire office. This also happens at Starbucks. You know you�re in trouble when the person in front of you pulls out a list. You want to scream, �Nooooooooo!� like you�re trying to stop someone from stepping out in front of a bus, but really you�re just trying to stop someone from ruining the next 15 minutes of your life.
If they say something like, �Wait, no. Sorry. The Italian BMT doesn�t want pickles. No, they want olives, just no pickles. You might have ruined it with the juice, can you start over?� you need an exit plan. Is there another place to eat nearby? Are you sure you wouldn�t rather just starve? Maybe you could buy one of those wrinkled rotating hot dogs at the gas station. You know what? Just grab one of the chips from the display and start eating in line. This isn't your fault.
The Responder:
This is the person who responds to �Did you find everything ok?� with �Actually, no. I couldn�t find the flushable wet butt wipes.�
Don�t people know that you aren�t supposed to answer this question with a real, honest response? It�s like when you�re walking by a co-worker in a hallway and they say, �Hey, how are you?� The last thing they want to hear is something like, �Not good, actually. I�m pretty lonely.�
No one wants real answers to their pleasantries, it�s the 2000s and we�re all late for something important!
The same rule applies when a clerk asks, �Did you find everything you were looking for today?� at the checkout. The only acceptable response is �Yes.�
�No� jams it all up. You're at the finish line, don't stop now! Before we know it, the light starts blinking, the manager comes over, now a stock boy is being paged.
�Um, hey Robert, we�re going to need some of those flushable wet butt wipes brought up to aisle 5. No, not baby wipes. The flushable wet butt wipes for adults. Over.�
If you�re behind this person, grab a Snickers. It�s gonna be awhile.
The Late Returner:
Uh oh. Did you get behind the person trying to return something they definitely should not be returning? The underwear they not only tried on, but have been wearing for the past 3 months? Perhaps it�s a crimping iron from 1987. As the clerk politely tells them they are unable to give a refund for the items, the person starts to get red hot with righteous indignation.
Call your friend and tell her to cancel your dinner reservation, you aren�t getting out of this line anytime soon.
Mr. Cash Only:
Cash only people are great. Until they load up the conveyor belt with $100 worth of product when all they have is a couple of twenties.
�Here, take off the roast beef. Where are we at now? $96.99? Hmmm. Ok, take off the chip clips. Where are we at? No, don�t take off the premium whiskey � I need that. Here � take off the bubble gum. Any closer?�
Oh Lawd!! All you have is a stick of deodorant and a couple impulse purchases like Skittles and lip balm. How is this fair?
The answer is - it's not. Life is unfair. So are checkout lines. 4951