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Mom-life crisis

Mom-life crisis

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by: Mahm Active Indicator LED Icon 9 OP 
~ 9 years ago   Aug 16, '14 9:04am  
Do you ever feel like you would be a much more interesting person if you didn't have kids?Don't get me wrong. I love my kids. I can't imagine life without them. But then, I can. I have so many interests that I feel like I can't spend time on. Don't ask me to list them, because I would probably draw a blank. I was expecting my first child at age 22. I had been taking a break from college, but I was going to go back. Really I was. But then I didn't. I just kept having more kids.I talk a lot about waitress jobs in the past, but I've held more professional positions, such as "User support specialist" for HISD, and "Logistics Coordinator" for a communications company, and "Information Specialist" for a beverage distributor in Alaska. But those were jobs just to keep me afloat while I was a single mom. There was no passion. I would have loved to have a job where I could write, maybe at a law firm or an advertising agency.All of this is just talk. I don't anticipate going back to school or work for a long time. (I don't trust strangers with my children.) I don't have any hobbies either. I don't do things that are just for me. I always tell myself I don't have time, or I would feel guilty not spending time with my kids. I know that if I don't change this, someday the kids are going to grow up and leave home, and I will feel lost. I won't know who I am without them. I don't want my role as a mother to define me. In fact, I'm thinking about changing my screen name. Mahm is what my teenage daughter calls me, especially in text. (Attaching a picture of the birthday card she made me last year.) I think it's cute and funny when she says it, and that is who I am to her: the silly Mahm who makes her laugh. But I think I remember a person who is so much more than that. I just don't really recognize myself anymore. 4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator
~ 9 years ago   Aug 16, '14 9:20am  
@MAHM, You need a day out with the girls. I think we (@bp2018 and i) will come and kidnap you on our next KW Tour day.  Until then, bunches of hugs to you.  We all feel that way from time to time...stuck in a rut.  I know I do when day in and day out is the same old get up, go to work, drive home rest up to do it all again. 4951
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calliecat Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 9 years ago   Aug 16, '14 9:23am  
@MAHM That is what has happened to me!  If you want to go out sometime let me know! 4951
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Stealth83 Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 9 years ago   Aug 16, '14 9:29am  
Removed By Request 4951
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monyhoney Active Indicator LED Icon 17
~ 9 years ago   Aug 16, '14 10:01am  
I don't want to see like one of those moms whose kids are the center of their lives but I can't imagine life without them.  I was pregnant with our first child on our first anniversary.  I have grown so much from being a mom.  When I think back to the time before children, I feel like I was very childish and I feel that I am more interesting because of my children.  Maybe this is due to having others to take care of or maybe it's just because of time and I have grown older and wiser.I have had times where I feel lost and unimportant so I understand what you're saying.  I hope you find something to fulfill you and make your life more exciting! 4951
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BooBear Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 9 years ago   Aug 16, '14 10:12am  
Yes, I felt that way all the time. It got better when the learned how to make me coffee and cook. Now that they are all basically grown I get to do more things I want to do. The problem is that I dont even know what that is anymore. 4951
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RegularGuy Active Indicator LED Icon 2
~ 9 years ago   Aug 16, '14 10:20am  
I guess I don't understand.  More interesting to who?  Are you being measured against the neighbors or someone on here?Or are you doing the measuring?Loading Image...How totally awesome is that.  A person you brought into this world who absolutely adores you.  That is the coolest thing.Be PROUD!    You are a MAHM!My daughter feelings that way about her mom/my wife.   That makes me so totally happy that they love each other so much!   I play second fiddle in both of their lives - and that is ok.   They are happy and that is what I want for them. 4951
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BooBear Active Indicator LED Icon 16
~ 9 years ago   Aug 16, '14 10:28am  
@regularguy that is very sweet on the surface but its not good mentally/emotionally for anyone to get the majority of their perceived worth by having to constantly "do" for other people. Every mom or full time caregiver, whomever that may be, NEEDS something outside of that, even if they feel too guilty to vocalize it.
 
(I know vocalize is a word...am I spelling it wrong? My phone is laughing at me) 4951
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Mahm Active Indicator LED Icon 9 OP 
~ 9 years ago   Aug 16, '14 10:33am  
@regularguy: Its definitely an awesome feeling to have a teenage daughter who loves spending time with me and cracks up laughing at things that I say.Interesting to who? Perhaps to my husband or to people in general. I'm thinking about all the times I'm asked, "How are you?" or "How's it going?" My answer always revolves around the kids.Not to mention, Facebook is evil. All of my friends and acquaintances posting about their jobs or hobbies with such excitement. And say things like, "I love my life!" I know that is probably not their reality 95% of the time, but that is what we see. They are probably trying to convince themselves more than anything. 4951
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Mahm Active Indicator LED Icon 9 OP 
~ 9 years ago   Aug 16, '14 10:38am  
A lot of this, I'm sure, stems from having a newborn when my other 3 kids were pretty self-sufficient. Babies are very time-consuming, and it takes its toll. Of course, having a baby is also very rewarding. It's just that DH and I have been married for less than 2 years. We were still getting to know each other, and I wonder if he's really getting to know "the real me." 4951
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Mahm Active Indicator LED Icon 9 OP 
~ 9 years ago   Aug 16, '14 10:40am  
@calliecat, @donnatella @bp2018: Yes, connecting with other grown-ups would definitely help! 4951
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ctl74 Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 9 years ago   Aug 16, '14 10:41am  
Yup, I've been there - still am to some point. For me, though, I have always defined myself by my work and what I do, so to have to pass on promotions bc of the kids is the battle I struggle with. When I'm not working, I'm with the kids. That's it - with DH's inconsistent schedule, 830p would be about the only time I could focus on me, but I'm often too tired!
 
I think you should try to work on your concern of strangers watching your kids. Even if it's for 30 minutes to grab a Stbx and grocery shop in peace - it does wonders for me! Get referrals from friends of good sitters. Start off with them coming to the house while you're there. Go sort bills in another room or sit outside with a coffee - work your way up!
 
Also, make sure your Dr. Knows you're feeling this way. You're tired (understandable!) and your hormones are out of whack with just having your wee baby girl.
 
I love the idea of an online class. And you mention writing. Find a subject you want to write about and do it! If it's community-related, submit it to a local publication. Or start a blog - no expectations, but just to get your thoughts out!
 
Good luck - know you're not alone!!! 4951
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analogkid Active Indicator LED Icon 3
~ 9 years ago   Aug 16, '14 10:45am  
Regarding the issue of continuing learning, as mentioned above, consider some of the MOOCs (massive open online course) that are offered.  Probably the two best right now are Coursera and edX.  I've taken a corporate finance through Coursera, and a couple of data analytics (one in baseball sabermetrics) through edX, that were well done.  The finance course had a very engaging professor (University of Michigan) and very much paralleled in-person courses that I have taken.  Just food for thought. 4951
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calliecat Active Indicator LED Icon 10
~ 9 years ago   Aug 16, '14 10:46am  
@MAHM  I doubt all of your friends are happy with their jobs.  It is different today than from my parents generation when one would stay at one company for their entire career.  Trust me.  My husband worked for different companies.  The corporate world is brutal.  His company merged with other companies several times.  The threat was always there of being laid off.  When the layoffs came, more work was added and then another layoff and merger, etc.   Believe me It was stressful!  I know someone who worked for Continental and loved the company and now that they merged with United they are not happy.   4951
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donnatella Active Indicator LED Icon 13 Forum Moderator
~ 9 years ago   Aug 16, '14 10:56am  
 I know someone who worked for Continental and loved the company and now that they merged with United they are not happy.  
 
@calliecat: I know several in that same situation. In fact I don't know any that worked for Continental that are happy now under United. 4951
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Mahm Active Indicator LED Icon 9 OP 
~ 9 years ago   Aug 16, '14 11:01am  

- - - - - - - -
>>  I know someone who worked for Continental and loved the company and now that they merged with United they are not happy.  
 
@calliecat: I know several in that same situation. In fact I don't know any that worked for Continental that are happy now under United.
 
@donnatella: That really sucks. Continental was such a great company. I worked a 3 month temp assignment there in '96, and I loved it. The morale was really high. And I always liked booking tickets over the phone for my daughter flying as a UM, because I usually got to talk to someone with a southern accent. That's often not the case these days.
4951
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