#6. Donkey Meat With FoxImagine how disgusted and violated and betrayed you would feel if you had just come home from shopping at your local Walmart and were about to put together a delicious meal for the dinner party you're hosting for friends only to discover that your main course, a delicious slab of premium grade Chinese donkey, was nothing more than run-of-the-mill fox meat?
#5. Chemical Burn Flip-FlopsThese flip-flops were of course made in China, where nothing is as it seems! In this case, where it seems like flip-flops should be made of maybe plastic and rubber, someone in China opted to make them from benzene and the angry spirits of dead Mogwai.
#4. Sewer FishIn China they raise fish in untreated sewage, so check and mate. I wasn't aware that you could raise fish in raw sewage, but China is industrious, and they're getting seafood to at least mature in a nightmare before they bring it to market for us, and then, to make sure it's safe for human consumption, they seem to be treating it with drugs and chemicals that are deadly, but just in a decidedly different way from raw sewage.#3. Deadly MonkfishMonkfish looks like what would happen if a frog and Smaug had a baby, and then that baby grew up and fell in love with a turd and then they had a baby. I guess anything can be eaten in a pinch, but I see no reason to eat devil turd fish, and I'm OK with that choice. Despite how clearly monkfish shouldn't be eaten, some people enjoy it, and it's occasionally referred to as "poor man's lobster" despite the fact that it may actually cost more than lobster. Go figure. Because it can cost so much, that makes a unique opportunity for unscrupulous fishermen, like the type from China who had their monkfish recalled from three states after it became clear that what was being sold wasn't monkfish at all, but pufferfish. Two people in Chicago became ill after eating the fish, which was found to contain tetrodotoxin, which is about 100 times more deadly than cyanide, with a dose of about 25 milligrams being lethal.Â
#2. Face-Smashing Pogo SticksChina had been manufacturing some pogo sticks, which for the sake of argument we'll assume were all made from lead paint, but which also had an issue with the frame. The bottom of the frame tube could break. Based on what I read, I think this is pretty much what happened -- you get on the pogo stick, you start to pogo around. You're saying "pogo, pogo, pogo" in your head each time you bounce up and down. Then, on one fateful "po-," the stick buckles like a pilgrim's shoe and your feet keep hurtling toward the ground as the rest of the stick flies up and plants an aluminum kiss square in the center of your face. This resulted in 123 reported injuries, mostly broken teeth and busted**** faces. #1. Moon Face CreamA company in China was marketing a brand of skin cream that was widely used to treat eczema in babies. The ingredients consisted of 25 all-natural products, which is a relief until you consider that, in this case, the ingredients list was apparently just 25 words someone pulled out of their ***. The cream was actually laced with a steroid hormone that's extremely dangerous, especially for children, called clobetasol propionate. It's also used for skin conditions, except it shouldn't be used for prolonged periods, shouldn't be used by children, and generally needs a doctor's recommendation. How come? Because using it can cause things like excessive hair growth in women and, in children, Cushing's syndrome, which is characterized by a big, swollen, moon-shaped face, emotional instability, acne, muscle weakening, hair loss, truncal obesity, and buffalo hump. That's not even one of my hilarious pretend things I toss into lists, it's a real thing! Called buffalo hump!
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